Special Bulletin: Please Stop Using "Special" & "Explosive"

Friends, Countrymen, Tigers,

Please stop using the terms "special" and/or "explosive" to describe every play or every player you see this year. I just can't fricking take it anymore. I know that's what the memo says that was handed out to every analyst in the country this year.

The last two years everyone had to say "beast," preferrably with a "motor." Before that it was "warrior," "competitor," "specimen," "student of the game," "cerebral," "chess match," "physical," etc. But for the love of God, this "special" thing has just gone waaay out of control. "Special" is not something you say about a football player; "special" is something you say about retarded kids! (And "explosive" is something you say about terrorists or people with diarrhea ... or possibly terrorists who also have diarrhea.)It's already on a Tebow-esque growth rate in terms of the number of times anouncers must say it per game. Please, stop the madness.

Thank you in advance for you cooperation.

Sincerely,
Doc Fenton