Ridiculous Coworkers

Im an engineer offshore and have come across generic perfection. This 400 lb guy has been working here for 10 years on 14 on 14 off schedule and no one here has seen him brush his teeth once. His teeth are rotting and deteriorating into the size of shark's. His breathe is unrelatably bad. He's trying to find a medical reason to get penis enlargement surgery because insurance doesnt cover cosmetic surgery. He has an aggressive underbite. He almost got fired for calling directv and trying to order a porno on the companys account. His last job he would be covered up to his neck in human shite at least once a week. He said on that job he would drink a fifth tequila on the drive home and another at home everyday. He has those hoola hoop earrings engrained in his earlobe. He admits to having tried meth. Tattoos of things he has no idea what they mean cause he was hammered. Has 6 kids and he's 32 with grey hair.