re: How should I handle this situation figuring out my Dad used my birth money?

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So it's the lack of a conversation that you are hung up on, not the actual use of the money?

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I would be concerned with both the use of the money and the conversation. In your case, I think its the conversation that matters since you are using the money on the child.

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But in a "net" sense, the dad has give the kid far, far more than he has taken from the kid.

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The dad has a job to provide for the child. he made that commitment when he had the child. Fulfilling that commitment is just that, it doesn't give you license to take what you want.

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To me, stealing is what happened to a friend of mine, who moved out of home at age 18, parents did not pay for anything after high school, and dad opened up a bunch of credit cards in kids name and used the cards to feed a gambling addiction. Never paid the cards either, so the kids credit was trashed, and he had to face the decision of calling it fraud, and basically be called to testify against dad, or doing nothing and having to rebuild his credit.

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this being stealing doesn't preclude that from being stealing too.

We don't know all the details on the OP situation. But from what I see, especially when he said he wasn't surprised that his dad did it means that his father stole from him and is likely a horrible person. But it doesn't mean every instance of the parent taking the child's money is stealing.