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The LSU ranter ; Classified for your Convenience

Posted on 9/22/14 at 11:53 am
Posted by Lsupimp
Ersatz Amerika-97.6% phony & fake
Member since Nov 2003
79557 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 11:53 am
The "Casual Fan" Rantard: He hears something somewhere and repeats it breathlessly. You act impressed and slowly back away.

The "Momentary Lapse of Faith" Rantard: This guy loses it, kicks dog, regrets it.

The "Les is an Idiot" Rantard: This guy is functionally illiterate and signs his name with an X.

The "Narrative" Rantard: Latches on to a Narrative and stays with it, no matter where evidence leads. Will stay with Narrative for YEARS hoping it makes a comeback.

The "Napoleon-Complex" Rantard: LSU grows these guys on trees. Sad little man, even if he is 6'6, his Rantardary is based on personal insecurities.

The "Sky is falling" Rantard: Almost everyone has been this guy.

The "High School Legend" Rantard: Asks if you ever played ball. Damn it.

The "Kim Il Saban" Rantard: This guy follows The Dear Leader. Prefers Alabama Tiny Nick to LSU Tiny Nick, and doesn't remember the difference.

The" Winky Dinky Dog Condiment Technician" Rantard: This guy is an underachiever in his personal and professional life. Paradoxically he demands excellenty excellence from others at all times.

The "Argumentative Rantard": This guy just hates everybody. Especially you-if you challenge him.

The "Replace Les with Chuckie" Rantard: His cousin told him that various A list coaches have bought properties on Highland Road and are just waiting for the call.

The "Faux Rantard": This guy is not really an LSU fan. He posts to get a rise out of actual fans. Born in the State of Alabama 59.9% of the time.

The "Influential" Rantard: This guy has evidence, and regularly wins arguments on the merits . Too few of these guys.

The "Call-In" Rantard: This guy calls in to The Les Miles Show, asks a dumb question, and high fives his friends.

The "Clueless" Rantard: Can't give you a single meaningful statistic but is big on the word "sucks".

The "Entitled" Rantard: This guy deserves a National Championship every year.

The "Angry Screamer" Rantard: This guy yells behind you at the game, causing the guy in front of you to challenge him, you get drink spilled on you.

The "Humorless" Rantard: This guy HATES you for finding humor in adversity. Football is deadly-serious business after all.

The "Short View" Rantard: This guy's frame of reference is limited to the last game.

The "Bandwagon" Rantard: Here today, gone tomorrow.

The "Good Old Days" Rantard: Things suck now. Were awesome then. Size 46 waist.

The "Tailgater-only" Rantard: Loves to tailgate, makes snide comments at tailgate because doesn't care about game.

The "Football Expert" Rantard: Devises schemes on napkins. Wife is impressed.

The "STTDB" Rantard: Closely related to the Entitled Rantard, this guy doesn't give a f**k. And you can't make him.

Posted by dstone12
Texan
Member since Jan 2007
30766 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 11:55 am to
Best thread ever. Just kidding. Where do you rank on this list?
Posted by LSUsuperfresh
Member since Oct 2010
8338 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 12:01 pm to
I feel like you missed the extremely delusional sun is always shining Miles supporting rantard. Those are pretty common. The ones that still think Les is hands down the best or 2nd best coach in the SEC despite getting absolutely worked by Mississippi State at home.
Posted by 2007lsuno1
Marietta, GA
Member since Aug 2009
6692 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 12:02 pm to


Posted by PillageUrVillage
Mordor
Member since Mar 2011
14845 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 12:02 pm to
quote:

The "Momentary Lapse of Faith" Rantard: This guy loses it, kicks dog, regrets it.


This is me. Except it's a cat. And I don't regret it....

He's kind of an a-hole.
Posted by GeauxxxTigers23
TeamBunt General Manager
Member since Apr 2013
62514 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 12:05 pm to
Which one am I?
Posted by PacLSU
I have been a
Member since Sep 2003
3630 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 12:06 pm to
Nicely done! Of course, I'm an "Influential" Rantard. It's everyone else that fits in those other categories.
Posted by Topwater Trout
Red Stick
Member since Oct 2010
67602 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 12:06 pm to
i have been several of those
Posted by Choupique19
The cheap seats
Member since Sep 2005
62430 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 12:09 pm to
You left out a few on the "other side".

As for me, probably these two

quote:

The" Winky Dinky Dog Condiment Technician" Rantard:


quote:

The "Humorless" Rantard:
Posted by Navytiger74
Member since Oct 2009
50458 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 12:09 pm to


Well done, pimp. I guess I'm currently in the grips of a lapse of faith. I don't kick my dog, though.
Posted by toratiger
susukino
Member since Aug 2008
2622 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 12:14 pm to
Pimp have you been following me?
Posted by Tigerlaff
FIGHTING out of the Carencro Sonic
Member since Jan 2010
20946 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 12:35 pm to
I am the angry screamer and entitled rantard.
Posted by Lsupimp
Ersatz Amerika-97.6% phony & fake
Member since Nov 2003
79557 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 1:01 pm to
I forgot "The Vaguely-Football-Related Suggestions" Rantard: This guy thinks we should throw the ball "more". But only when we aren't "blitzing more". If that fails "give the ball to Tommy Banks".
Posted by OneFifty
No favorite team now
Member since Aug 2012
3872 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 1:13 pm to
I have crowd-related agoraphobia and have never seen an LSU football game in person. I seldom forget anything I've read, for instance, the bladder of a mature African elephant holds 13 gallons of urine, or, a fully grown 500-lb silverback gorilla's penis measures approximately 1 inch.

Are there any more categories?
Posted by TigerBlood17
Member since Jan 2014
1462 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 2:08 pm to
Im the "influential" rantard on Mondays and i am the "Momentary Lapse of Faith", "Les is an Idiot", "Football Expert", and "Angry Screamer" rantard on Gamedays
Posted by TigerNE
Everett, MA
Member since Jul 2013
1096 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 2:11 pm to
I'm a short viewer.

What about "Where Can I Watch the Game in (Insert a City)" Rantard?
Posted by bkirby2
Sugar Land, TX
Member since Sep 2011
115 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 2:12 pm to
I am "entitled" and "sky is falling" combo.
Posted by ballscaster
Member since Jun 2013
26861 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 4:42 pm to
quote:

The "Influential" Rantard: This guy has evidence, and regularly wins arguments on the merits . Too few of these guys.

Aww, you didn't have to mention me.
Posted by Jim Rockford
Member since May 2011
98748 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 5:07 pm to
Posted by danfraz
San Antonio TX
Member since Apr 2008
24550 posts
Posted on 9/22/14 at 5:13 pm to
quote:

The "Momentary Lapse of Faith" Rantard: This guy loses it, kicks dog, regrets it.


quote:

Sky is falling" Rantard
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