NOTE: BY ROYAL FIAT, I HEREBY EXCLUDE THE 2011 BCS NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME FROM CONSIDERATION. I recognize that was an anguishing experience for any Tiger fan in attendance. I was there. I wish to talk of something else for a spell.

Now, setting aside the debacle of this January past, what are your worst memories of any LSU football game that you attended in person?

My Top 5:

(1) Kentucky 2007. I traveled to Lexington expecting to witness the number one ranked Tigers maul an overmatched Wildcat squad. When I arrived in the vicinity of Commonwealth Stadium, a strange malaise floated over the entire scene. The Kentucky tailgaters drifted to and fro in a good-natured, catatonic stupor and generally conceded an inevitable loss. There was no intensity amongst the very sober LSU contingent still drained from the previous week's epic victory over Florida. There was no music. And no beer pong. Something was amiss. Sure enough, LSU stumbled its way to a bizarre triple OT loss. I can still hear the jubilation of the Kentucky faithful when Scott was stuffed on fourth down. Afterward, I proceeded directly to my hotel, barricaded myself in the room, and drowned my sorrows in pizza and PPV while Wildcat fans chanted in the atrium lobby below. Coping mechanism;

(2) Ole Miss 2009. My experience in Oxford: Friday night at the world-renowned (OK, mid-south renowned) Library, where I confirmed for all time that Ole Miss women were (a) absolutely gorgeous; and (b) absolutely unapproachable, at least to the likes of my crew (or any other outsider who lacks an encyclopedic knowledge of the Mississippi secondary school system and its various clans and geneologies); Saturday: arrived on campus at 8 AM - it was empty, watched a part of a KKK rally (I swear on my life this is not hyperbole or confabulation, there WAS a Klan rally that day on the Ole Miss campus - to their credit, the Ole Miss student body was out in force to protest, or at least show minimal enthusiasm), discovered that the Grove was grossly overrated, watched a friend commandeer an abandoned Grove tailgate and take in some TV while noshing on unattended chicken, tried and failed to blot out the disappointment of the Grove with beer, went into the stadium, heard a ten year old scream "Call a timeout, call a timeout!" in a deep northern Louisiana accent, stared on in open-mouthed disbelief as no timeout was called, then the infamous spike, then walked out of the stadium in a haze of puzzlement.

(3) Virginia Tech 2002. The night before the game, the rarely used Virginia Grenadiers appeared in flimsy riot gear (maybe just Walmart track suits with ironed on patches) and treated the LSU faithful like G8 hooligans. Apparently because we drank their shockingly limited supply of beer. The day of the game, I sat in an endzone upper deck with the approximate slope of Mt. Everest's north face. Two very corpulent VT fans were perched just above me like menacing boulders. Early in the contest, we returned a punt for a TD, which was called back due to some mysterious penalty. The rest of the afternoon was a numbing marathon of offensive (both senses) ineptitude, high altitude sun stroke, and self-pity, interrupted only by the unspeakably disturbing sight of sixty thousand hillbillies doing the hokey pokey in unison;

(4) Florida 2003. So traumatic that I have repressed most memories associated with the game. My lingering impression: Florida's RB running free. As the clock wound down, a slight drizzle fell. I sat in the misty rain until the entire SEZ was empty, one man and a gleaming plane of slick silver benches. Afterwards, I stumbled to Highland, only to discover that the entire Varsity and adjoining indoor/outdoor spaces had been ceded to Gator fans;

(5) Notre Dame 1997 - A wintry grey day combined with a tight end who would not be covered combined with the most erratic LSU team in recent memory (Hell yeah, we beat FLorida! F*ck no, we lost to Ole Miss!) equals a ruined twenty-first birthday. Insult added to injury when I passed out during an inexplicably late night showing of The Little Mermaid. Do not ask.

Honorable Mentions: Alabama 2009 (it was a f*cking interception); Alabama 97/98; Auburn 97; Florida 2001; Ole Miss 2001.

Whatchya got?

This post was edited on 7/11/12 at 12:53 pm