re: TulaneLSU's official 2011 movie reviews thread

This fricking guy

I get that, but RT is pretty much spot on, and its not just them saying Moneyball is good, it's everyone from sports people to avg. joes.

You ranked it a F- basically.

Hey look a bunch of reviews to a lot of movies that nobody gives a shite about

Ok, I'll keep that in mind.

Enjoying the reviews. Keep 'em coming.

Did you review Abduction?

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TulaneLSU should get a job at The Onion... This thread has to be satire, right?

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I sometimes think the vast majority of TulaneLSU's posts on this site are, in fact, satire. Then again, who knows? He puts a hell of a lot more work into this crap than I ever will.

I watch on average two movies each week at the theater (and maybe three hours of football on TV during the Fall). Each movie costs $5. I don't own a TV or have cable, so my total cost for "entertainment" each year is about $520. That is significantly less than the average American. I see the movies playing at the theater. I cannot help it if the majority of the films the theater selects to play is not good.

I have not yet seen Abduction.

Using the word, plenipotentiary, in a review about a baseball movie is comedy gold!!

Dolphin Tale "There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in," writes Canadian Jewish-Buddhist poet, Leonard Cohen. These are important words to consider in our culture, a culture that prizes perfection, usually of a superficial variety. Our world tells us that we should be outgoing, strong, fashionable, friendly, all the accoutrements of an American Dream-styled life. The result often leaves those who are shaped like the perfect vase with guilt that can turn into depression and self-hatred. Child prodigy actor, Nathan Gamble, begins this tale, not as a child ridden with guilt, but a child ridden with angst, the sort of angst only known by those who are abandoned by one of their parents. A life of broken relationships and broken community is the result.

It is only when something as broken as his heart enters his life that he begins to see light. Of course, the salvific thing is a dolphin, and while I am not an animal rights activist or a zoolater, we see here that animals can have a sacred power that is often ignored by ecologically imperialist Christians who see the world to be used rather than loved. I am reminded of the story the Irish monk missionary who helped revitalize Christianity after the fall of Rome. He understood that all of creation yearns for redemption so much that he told his companions, when he was leaving his horse for good, "Leave the horse alone, so that he may pour his grief into my bosom, if he will. For he loves me and is wiser than many men." In another story, Columba tells a fisherman to go to the beach and wait. There, "you will behold, blown by the winds and very weary, a crane...Treat that crane tenderly, and warm it in your bosom, and carry it to some neighboring house." The crane and the horse were more than mere objects. They were beings through which God's grace flowed. For Columba and for the characters in "Dolphin Tale" animals have a crucial role in salvation history: they heal what is broken.

I had no intention of liking this movie: it looked formulaic, sentimental for the masses, and cheaply made at first. But as I continued to watch, I could not help but be swayed by the ebullient performances and the sapid music of the most underrated soundtrack composer in America, Mark Isham. There are very few good family movies being made, but "Dolphin Tale" more that satisfies both children and adults. Kids will love it for the animal scenes and humor. Adults may love it for its positive, feel good story. Of course, snobbish critics may assail it because its style is as Promethean as a peanut butter sandwich, but who cares for such opinions? Such people are only hiding behind their own cracks, afraid to step from the darkness of artificial health. 8/10