Boise State: Dead Man WAC'ing

Posted on 11/27/10 at 2:12 am

Posted by SlowFlowPro

With populists, expect populism

Member since Jan 2004

465301 posts

Posted on 11/27/10 at 2:12 am

On the night of November 26, 2010, the hope and dreams of the Boise State Broncos were pronounced dead. America rejoiced, as college football had been subject to the spell and curse of the Bronco for some time. From this date forward, America was no longer subject to both the cut corners and unsubstantiated whining of Boise State, as well as the blowhard court jesters of the sports media, who sought to confuse the good people of this great country.

We have been subject to the curse of the Bronco since the beginning of 2007, after the Broncos upset a quarterback-less Oklahoma team in the Fiesta Bowl. It has been three really crappy years in response.

The team was given (for no apparent reason) a preseason top-five ranking, and before this game the insanity had reached such a peak this year that analyst after analyst was proclaiming Boise State to be the best program in the nation,. Boise State is not even going to finish 2010 as the best team in its (horrible, crappy, and embarrassing) conference.

Boise began the game as its hype began the season, with the full power of evil myth behind it. Boise ran to a 24-7 lead against the Nevada Wolfpack, who seemed to concede the game shortly before half as they chose to punt instead of attempt a 4th and short. Per usual, the referees gave Boise State every benefit of any doubt, and holding was forgotten when Boise State had the ball.

The second half was a different game. The undersized Broncos are front runners. They are built for WAC-speed, and have no size. Their strategy is to jump to big leads and then sit on it, forcing other teams into mistakes. The team had also failed to face adversity since scraping by Virginia Tech on a late field goal. In week one. With each Nevada scored, the Bronco defense deteriorated. As Nevada ran down their blue throats time and time again, the will of the Broncos disappeared.

The typical smoke and mirrors surrounding Boise State was so strong that even after Nevada tied the game with less than 20 seconds remaining, Boise State’s miracle arrived. A Hail Mary was completed inside the Nevada 15 yard line against possibly the worst “last-play” defense ever called in the history of college football. Boise had two seconds remaining and a timeout, and the game seemed over.

Then entered Boise State kicker Kyle Brotzman, the knight in fading blue armor. He missed the game-winning attempt. The game went to overtime, where Boise State had the ball first. After a short drive, Brotzman attempted the go-ahead field goal. He missed…again. Nevada was given a final chance, and succeeded where the “best coached team in the country” could not. Their kicker made a simple field goal, as the true one-man Wolfpack.

Brotzman’s final two kicks apparently met the ghost of LeGarrette Blount swooping in to guide the ball wide both times. Brotzman will likely be found tomorrow attempting to drown himself on the blue turf of the Bronco’s stadium.

And now, to the fun.

You are done Boise. D-O-N-E. You had one miracle chance at getting to the title game, and you blew it. You returned 21 of 22 starters and faced a BCS team with a name. That name may be worth nothing, and that team may have lost to a 1-AA team this year, and you may have barely scraped out a win at a neutral site, and, you only even had that shot because the refs handed you 30 yards on your final drive…but you had that win. Now you have nothing.

You lost. Your magic ran out. You had no trick play up your sleeves to save you. Your amazingly coached team couldn’t stop a run up the gut, or a drive consisting of pure running until the red zone.

You’re not going to the title game. You’re not going to a BCS game. You’re not winning your horrible conference, so you will likely end up in the Fleshlight Masturbation Bowl against Miami of Ohio. And I will watch that game, and I will hope that you win. I hope your players cry when receiving the trophy, realizing how pointless their careers were.

You may have blown blue all inside the likes of Kirk Herbstreit, Mike Greenberg, and Rod Gilmore, but now those leftovers must taste like the chemistry experiment found in Courtney Love’s panties. The only time I will ever thank you, is to thank you for exposing these jokes for the idiots they are. They championed for you. They said ridiculous things like you were a legitimate team and possibly the best team in the country. Now, thanks to you, they look like idiots and hopefully will never again publicly push another one of your crappy non-BCS brethren.

And to the WAC: Karma is a beast. You gamed the system to take advantage of unfair rules which grant easier paths to BCS bowls for non-BCS teams. You pushed crap non-conference games (even 1-AA opponents). You have lived off this Boise State pain train to put a horrible Hawaii team in the Sugar Bowl in 2007, as well as pushing for Boise State to go as the second non-BCS team in 2009. You have stolen tens of millions of dollars from better conferences and better schools. Let me be the first to tell you not to let the door hit you on the way out.

Your conference is dead. Last night was the last meaningful game your pitiful conference will ever play. Boise State is gone. Fresno State is gone. Nevada is gone. Hawaii will be gone soon. You are replacing these teams with an assortment of mediocre 1AA schools and a program or two who haven’t even started playing football. Sun Belt teams refuse moving to your conference.

You mess with the bull and you get the horns. I hope you enjoyed the past five years. Your conference won’t exist in another five. You are David Caruso leaving NYPD Blue, and there won’t be a new CSI spinoff to save you. I hope that the Hell of College Football is painful and you suffer. And I hope whatever excrement you create in that Hell is force-fed to Boise State whenever it’s program dies and it arrives to meet you.

Thank you Nevada: You are a true American. Now go enjoy the Liberty Bowl.