Musings from an A&M fan on their scout board...

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I feel like I need to address something with you all for the sake of your families, loves ones, and general safety. Much in the same way ripped, veiny guns or owning a badass pontoon boat can exponentially increase a man's sex appeal, so goes the SEC! Chant.

So like most Saturday nights, we went to the bar and greased the bearings with a few rounds of tequila. Me and some good Ags start talking about what every one of you talked about at the bar last night: our new Conference. I order a round of "SECs". Quizzically, the keep looked at me for an explanation, but I just kinda repeated myself. "Ya bro, SECs." "Huh?" "Listen man, I'm not totally sure what it has in it, but start with SoCo and go from there." (At $7.00 a shot, I quietly considered namin em 'touchdown shots'. In hindsight I'm glad I didn't mention that, because the name "Touchdown shots" is pretty horns.) (horns= very gay)) Naturally. we toasted the SEX with the whiskey themed concoctions, and fired off a couple casual "SEC! SEC! SEC"!!!'s.

Gentlemen, please understand, the following is not to be taken casually or lightly. If you blast out a cold "S-E-C!" most or all of the following will inevitably occur in this order:

1. Fine bitches will want to party with you. Even if you're ugly, a tasteful "SEC SEC" is gonna get you swimming in pussy. Like a Strasburg heater with the regularity of sunrise, it's coming at you. Pack a snorkel.

2. People will buy you shots. SEC fans are typically poor. But the little $ they have is spent in the following ways: 1. Booze 2. Horse Racing 3. North Face outlets. Please note: if you don't want free shots from top shelf paid for by someone else, do not "S-E-C".

3. Random dudes will expect/offer bro hugs. It's not a homogay thing, like in san francisco. Or austin. Just humor the guy or fight him. Both responses are equally acceptable.

4. Fine bitches will want to party with you and take shots. Amalgamation of 1 & 2. So if you are traveling with kids, a wife, parents, or some scally who isn't your wife, and you belt an S-E-C!, prepare to reap the immediate consequences. Which of course is, fine, big hootered bitches buyin shots and wanting to party with you.


So yeah, I woke up hoarse this morning from "S-E-C"ing so much last night. And I think I may have some SEC babies on the way from an Ole Miss Rebel?

But our best years are in front of us, men. And with this newfound incredibleness, I sure hope I live to see em.

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