thenry's American Preview Part 2: Gucci, 2pac, Mark Titus

Midfielders:


José Torres se destroza el culo ridículo.

I will preface this section with some quality technical analysis. The USA runs a 4-4-2 empty bucket formation with two attacking wingers and, typically two defensive midfielders. Before you blast me for being a tactical novice, I decided to throw in that tidbit of information. Usually Coach Bob Bradley enjoys absorbing pressure and taking chances on the counter attack. However, if Jose Torres or Stuart Holden start in place of Ricardo Clark, the Yanks will try to play more possession football with the aforementioned technically gifted Holden and Torres.

While calling out perhaps the most famous person in the world for being disloyal to the mighty LA Galaxy may seem like the most swagalicious thing any gangsta can do in the public forum, Landon Donovan swag ratings drop significantly after one comment. (Elapsed second) He publicly admitted to listening to Five for Fighting to calm him before big matches. He was 20 for a moment in South Korea, caught in between 20 and 30 during Germany. Now he's on fire making his way back from Everton. If we are to advance the World Cup it will be on the back, feet and receding hairline of the artist formerly known as Landy Cakes.

Whether his notorious glare will find its way up to a forward position or in a traditional midfield role, we know Clint “Deuce” Dempsey will provide the pivotal goal in Rustenburg against the Limeys. He won the Bronze Ball at the Confederations Cup after three clutch goals. Deuce dropped these dope verses with H-Town’s finest before the Cup in 2006. Much like 2Pac releasing albums poshumously, I doubt our ears will be graced with a new set of flows until after the Cup.

In the center of field, Bob’s fire breathing demon son Michael Bradley will surely pick up at least two yellow cards or a straight red. While prone to cards, Old Bradley will ask Baby Bradley to wrestle possession from opponents on defense and provide assistance to the forwards in addition to his powerful long-range shots.

Ricardo Clark and Maurice Edu will probably battle for the final defensive mid role. Clark has featured more for the Yanks lately (including this game clincher against Trinidad and Tobago), but Mo Edu has played well for Glasgow Rangers this past season. Based purely on who puts on more entertaining tweets (and because Edu is better), I prefer Edu getting the starting nod over the former Houston Dynamo man Clark.

Off the bench or starting, Stuart Holden will put in a great cross or just crush goals outside the box that will surely break Slovenia’s collective heart. Also I will add +30 points to Stu for sporting a faux-hawk after 2006 and for building his résumé with the Houston Dynamo. Holden still holds Texas in his heart with his continued involvement in Holden’s Heroes, a charity benefiting Texas children with cancer. Holden also can put in a deadly cross and free kick as evidenced by his role in the first goal against the Czech Republic.

Another of my personal favorite Yanks is the Longview, Texas native José Francisco Torres. The Pachuca midfielder nicknamed El Gringo decided to play for America over Mexico in 2008, which of course is the greatest American choice since ] Washington decided to cross the Delaware. While probably not on the starting XI (befuddling), Torres will serve as a great attacking option if we need quality passing service down a goal late or someone to hold the ball while protecting a lead. Also of note: Mark "The Shark" Titusperhaps only eclipses Torres’ popularity on the internets and message boards I troll through daily.

Another midfield option, Benny Feilhaber scored this golaso to win the 2007 Gold Cup against Mexico. That alone merits his inclusion in the roster. Unfortunately Benny has the tendency to go completely invisible during the course of a match. This poses problems for an American team that needs quality possession in the midfield.

Also you can put money on DaMarcus Beasley seeing the field after making the final roster. Run DMB needs to prove himself again after some dismal performances lately on the international stage. Note: check out the DaMarcus Beasley diamond collection if you’re into that bling-bling. (Isn’t that what the young jive fellows are calling it these days?)

Sadly, after getting the axe from ruthless Bob Bradley we will not see Sacha Kljestan play or more importantly his smokin' hot girlfriend.

Forwards:


Algeria, Slovenia, England here comes the EDSON BUDDLE PAIN TRAIN WOO WOOOOOOO!!

The mad tweeting, Hull City one goal striking, Haitian Hammer, Jozy Altidore will hopefully and inevitably win the Golden Boot as the World Cup’s leading scorer this summer. Not only does Jozy score goals, he learned how to hold the ball and draw fouls (a and become enraged) during his year long tour of the EPL.

Notably omitted from the roster after coming just short of a full recovery from a horrific car accident in October, Charlie Davies’ speed and glorious glorious stanky leg will be missing in South Africa. Fear not Americans, because we have goal scoring machines in Brian Ching, Eddie Johnson and Robbie Findley as options (sarcasm meter overload). Eddie Johnson once responded to a question about video games with, “I don’t play video games, I’m a grown arse man!” Thankfully, the GAM and his Gucci fetish failed to make it past the Hartford, Connecticut friendly. Ching, who scores prolifically for the Houston Dynamo, does not have the finishing prowess of an international forward, battled a nagging hamstring injury and was ultimately left off of Bob’s final 23-man roster.

Robbie Findley…well he scored a decent goal in the MLS Cup final and that’s about it. However upon his inclusion on the final roster, he decided to show his promise during his second half appearance against Turkey. His pace reminds some of dear Charlie Davies, but he will need to show Davies’ finishing ability to ease the worries of USA fans.