re: How do you deal with the guilt of living far away from your aging parents?

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If you have siblings living near them don't put the burden all on them when the time comes.

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Amen to that. My mother in law is 72 and has multiple health issues and moved in with us two years ago. It’s like keeping up with another toddler. Don’t get me wrong, I love my MIL and am very glad we are in a position to be able to care for her but I see how taxing it is on my wife. It would be good for her to be able to get a break every once in awhile. Before she moved in we had a travel trailer and used to take weekend trips about once a month. Sitting by a lake somewhere for a weekend was a great way for both of us to recharge our batteries a bit. But now we never go cause she can’t be left alone for more than just a few hours at time. My wife actually has to come home every day on her lunch break to check in on her.
She has a sister that live an hour away. We ask her all the time if she could come for a weekend every once in awhile. Even if it was just one weekend every other month it would be a big help. Her children, like ours, are all grown and moved out. It just her and my brother in law but she claims she never has time . It’s a bad situation cause it is creating a rift between her and her sister when before this they had always had a great relationship. It’s also causing my wife to resent her mother to a degree. This really bothers her because she loves her mother very much and doesn’t want to feel this way. Our daughter, who is an OT and would be more than capable, offers us all the time to stay with her so we can take a break. We have taken her up on it once but I hate putting that on her. She has a 5 year son and a 6 month old daughter and works full time so already had a pretty full plate herself.

I used to always tell my kids as they were growing up that they better not ever stick me in a nursing home. After dealing with my MIL I have completely changed my mind. As much as I hate nursing homes, I would gladly go to one before becoming such a burden on my children. I tell my wife all the time that I am willing to do this and help her with her mother as long as she wants but if it gets to be too much and we have to put her in a home to not beat herself up. She has definitely done her duty as a living daughter just keeping up with what she has done so far.

I know TLDR. In short, my wife is a saint and her sister is a bitch.