re: Pope Denounces ‘Hypocrisy’ of Those Who Criticize LGBT Blessings

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If you did it was a mortal sin and if you died without going to confession you went straight to hell.

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I'm sorry you experienced this. I'm sorry that it lead you away from the Church of Jesus Christ. In the past I reflected quite a bit on this. I too have experienced bouts of guilt stemming from hurt caused by people within the Church. Some of that hurt still rises, occasionally, to the surface till this day. Fortunately, I had a good holy confessor (they're still out there - ask Our Lady to lead you to one) who warned me satan often dangles our hurts and sins in front of us. He told me to say the Chaplet of Mercy (CoM) every day. The CoM is quick and easy to say. I once recited the Chaplet of Mercy in front of a hardened sinner - a woman in the final moments of dying of cancer. Right before my eyes (in front of twelve witnesses) she sat up in her hospital bed and blurted out,"I choose God"! Then collapsed and died soon after. Yep, she converted right before our eyes. Such is the power of prayer. But I digress. I've always stayed close to the Sacraments, especially Sacramental Confession. One unchanging truth - Jesus gave power to forgive sin to His Apostles. Whereupon the Apostles passed that 'power to free people from bondage to sin' across millenia to that Priest (Personal Christi) sitting in that confessional waiting for me.

Which brings me to this event in my life. A long time ago I went to confession and spilled out my frustration as to what I perceived was my failure at being holy. It was the Carmelite Saint Therese of Lisieux (the Little Flower) who helped me to realize I was afflicted with a case of scruples . She led me to a good and wise confessor, I know she did. Regardless, the confessor listened to me patiently, gave me some prayers to say for my penance. Then without hesitation told me that from that day forward, everyday without fail, I was to ask myself this question - How does God Love me?

Well, I still do that - ask that simple question. Ultimately, it led me to the Passion of Christ. I studied and meditated on the Passion, even read a doctors description of how Jesus died. Attended a presentation by former NASA engineers (converts to Christianity) involved in research on the Shroud of Turin. I'll only say their research and technology available to them resulted in Our Lord's Face leaping at us from the Shroud. It was not the sanitized face of Jesus I was familiar with but that of a tormented Jesus with lacerations, broken nose, and a swollen eye. Another defining moment in understanding Our Lord's suffering was was when I read Anne Catherine Emmerich's book [i]The Visions of Anne Catherine Emmerich. Anne Catherine Emmerich was blessed with visions of our Lord's Passion. Let me say here, the Church moves very slow when it comes to approving visions and such - The Church declared Anne Catherine's visions to be real and approved. That book was the basis for Mel Gibson's movie The Passion of the Christ. Of all the heartbreaking accounts of Our Lord's suffering described in that book, the one incident that left me in tears (literally) was the moment Our Lord's blood and strips of his sacred flesh were flung out over the crowd by his executioners as they brutally whipped Him. Some of His sacred blood and torn flesh splashed on our Blessed Mother. So traumatic was that scene Our Lady fainted.

I remember reflecting on the heartbreaking scene and from within me rose the thought - He did this FOR ME? Is there another God like our God?

Okay I'm a sinner, I'll never be rid of my inordinate attachments as long as I live on this fallen world. God will set me free from myself someday - maybe soon. For the time I'm here on earth - I just want to give Him my best. He loved me when I didn't love myself. He went looking for me when I sinned and felt ashamed. Every single day in countless seemingly insignifcant events he reminds me of His love.

I belong to Him. The day I was baptized I received his indelible mark on my soul - a Catholic Priest made that mark on my soul. He claimed me as His own - I belong to Him.

I will pray for you brother. Please do the same for me.