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Ranking every Home Alone 1&2 trap by effectiveness
Posted on 12/14/23 at 7:12 pm
Posted on 12/14/23 at 7:12 pm
This is a ranking of each trap utilized by Kevin in the Home Alone franchise against the Wet/Sticky bandits.
The goal is to determine which traps would actually be most effective against the Bandits, assuming they are triggered as planned, but perhaps a more realistic outcome.
For example in Home Alone 2, Kevin sets up a see-saw catapult trap outside the toy store. We will assume the bandits indeed fall for it, but they will not be launched 30 ft in the air like the movie.
Category I - Annoyances
28. Why are you dressed like a chicken?
This one is the dumbest trap in Home Alone. Harry getting pillow feathers stuck to him does absolutely nothing and exists only as a moment of comedy.
27. Flock of birds
Once again, this is more of an annoyance. Other than bird shite and maybe some small bites they will be just fine
26. Catapult outside toy store
This one is ridiculous. Even if they fall for it. Harry is getting launched one foot max and MAYBE twists an ankle
Category II - Minor Injuries
25. Stapler gun in the arse
I mean honestly, this probably wouldn’t hurt that much. They were not big staples and probably only went a cm deep. Not to mention the arse is the best place to get pierced.
24. Broken ladder
In this one, Kevin puts a notch in a ladder so that it will collapse under Harry’s weight. He falls about 8 feet, so it shouldn’t hurt much, but I assume his fingers would be holding the edges of the ladder and would take on the brunt of force. Several broken fingers here.
23. Rope Swing into side of house
Assuming they have enough sense to turn to the side, this would be nothing but a really nasty bruise.
22. Woman punch in face
A punch to the head from anyone is never gonna feel good
21. Tool chest through door
This one was tough to place. I don’t think the chest would completely knock the door off its hinges to flatten the bandits. Instead I think it would just partly break through the door and maybe hit them in the head? Idk.
Category III - Potential serious injuries
20. Nail through foot
Maybe a little low for some, but what is this really doing? it would hurt like hell and you’d need a tetanus shot, but I don’t think a tiny hole in your foot would slow you down as much as some other below this.
19. Toy cars in front of stairs
Possible concussion. Probably hurts the back too
18. Beads on street
Same as cars but asphalt hurts more than hardwood.
17. Blowtorch head
This one is another that falls into the category of super painful but doesn’t do much to hurt him long term.
16. Icy Steps
Same as previous two but potential to hit head even more likely
15. Greased Ladder Rung
Like the previous 3, this one involves a fall and possible head/back injury. I estimate the fall to be roughly 8 feet. Not to mention the jumping/swinging motion makes a head injury more likely.
14. Glass ornament warfare
A seemingly crude yet effective trap that would slice right through your targets feet and make walking extraordinarily painful
Category IV - Serious Injuries
13. Burning doorknob
One of the more genius traps. With Harry’s hand burnt at that temperature, he would suffer 2nd or 3rd degree burns that would make his dominant hand useless for a while
12. Slippery floor into shelf of paint cans
Marv slips on some goo and slides into a full bookcase of paintcans which fall on his head. A near-definite concussion.
11. Wrenches
A bag of wrenches opens to drop 3-4 feet on top of Harry. This would hurt like hell and would also almost certainly be a concussion at least
10. Staircase paint cans
Another classic. These would definitely concuss you.
9. Long black weight to both heads on staircase
Kind of tough to rank this one bc I don’t know what the thing is that Kevin hits them with in Home Alone 2 and how much it weighs. But if a 10 year old can throw it well enough to swing in an arc, it can’t be too much heavier than the paint cans. They also fall a full story.
The goal is to determine which traps would actually be most effective against the Bandits, assuming they are triggered as planned, but perhaps a more realistic outcome.
For example in Home Alone 2, Kevin sets up a see-saw catapult trap outside the toy store. We will assume the bandits indeed fall for it, but they will not be launched 30 ft in the air like the movie.
Category I - Annoyances
28. Why are you dressed like a chicken?
This one is the dumbest trap in Home Alone. Harry getting pillow feathers stuck to him does absolutely nothing and exists only as a moment of comedy.
27. Flock of birds
Once again, this is more of an annoyance. Other than bird shite and maybe some small bites they will be just fine
26. Catapult outside toy store
This one is ridiculous. Even if they fall for it. Harry is getting launched one foot max and MAYBE twists an ankle
Category II - Minor Injuries
25. Stapler gun in the arse
I mean honestly, this probably wouldn’t hurt that much. They were not big staples and probably only went a cm deep. Not to mention the arse is the best place to get pierced.
24. Broken ladder
In this one, Kevin puts a notch in a ladder so that it will collapse under Harry’s weight. He falls about 8 feet, so it shouldn’t hurt much, but I assume his fingers would be holding the edges of the ladder and would take on the brunt of force. Several broken fingers here.
23. Rope Swing into side of house
Assuming they have enough sense to turn to the side, this would be nothing but a really nasty bruise.
22. Woman punch in face
A punch to the head from anyone is never gonna feel good
21. Tool chest through door
This one was tough to place. I don’t think the chest would completely knock the door off its hinges to flatten the bandits. Instead I think it would just partly break through the door and maybe hit them in the head? Idk.
Category III - Potential serious injuries
20. Nail through foot
Maybe a little low for some, but what is this really doing? it would hurt like hell and you’d need a tetanus shot, but I don’t think a tiny hole in your foot would slow you down as much as some other below this.
19. Toy cars in front of stairs
Possible concussion. Probably hurts the back too
18. Beads on street
Same as cars but asphalt hurts more than hardwood.
17. Blowtorch head
This one is another that falls into the category of super painful but doesn’t do much to hurt him long term.
16. Icy Steps
Same as previous two but potential to hit head even more likely
15. Greased Ladder Rung
Like the previous 3, this one involves a fall and possible head/back injury. I estimate the fall to be roughly 8 feet. Not to mention the jumping/swinging motion makes a head injury more likely.
14. Glass ornament warfare
A seemingly crude yet effective trap that would slice right through your targets feet and make walking extraordinarily painful
Category IV - Serious Injuries
13. Burning doorknob
One of the more genius traps. With Harry’s hand burnt at that temperature, he would suffer 2nd or 3rd degree burns that would make his dominant hand useless for a while
12. Slippery floor into shelf of paint cans
Marv slips on some goo and slides into a full bookcase of paintcans which fall on his head. A near-definite concussion.
11. Wrenches
A bag of wrenches opens to drop 3-4 feet on top of Harry. This would hurt like hell and would also almost certainly be a concussion at least
10. Staircase paint cans
Another classic. These would definitely concuss you.
9. Long black weight to both heads on staircase
Kind of tough to rank this one bc I don’t know what the thing is that Kevin hits them with in Home Alone 2 and how much it weighs. But if a 10 year old can throw it well enough to swing in an arc, it can’t be too much heavier than the paint cans. They also fall a full story.
This post was edited on 12/14/23 at 7:16 pm
Posted on 12/14/23 at 7:12 pm to diddlydawg7
Category V - Potential Death
8. BB Gun to Head
This one was also tough to rank. A BB gun to head from a foot away can potentially kill someone depending on the make and model but if it does not kill them it will probably just really sting.
7. 2 story fall from top of house
In Home Alone 2 Marv falls from the top of the house to the basement due to Kevin removing the floorboards. Death from this is unlikely but certainly possible.
6. 2.5 story fall with paint cans
When Kevin sets the rope on fire, the bandits let go and fall 2.5 stories. The fall is broken by some loose floorboards, which launch up paint cans that hit them in the head. Either of these could very easily kill them.
Category VI- Likely death
5. Iron to the head
Marv pulls an iron down that hits him in the head from 2 stories up. Definitely a possibility of death.
4. Electrocution
Kevin electrocutes Marv with up to 150 Amps of electricity, which is almost double the “lethal” amount
3. SUCK BRICK KID
4 bricks to the head from 4 stories up? He’s a goner for sure
2. Head on Fire in kerosene toilet
If this happened there actually would not be an explosion like in the movie. Kerosene does not explode. However his entire face would be on fire with no way to put it out. Definitely dead
1. 100 lb bag of cement to head
This one is underrated and is by far the most effective. 100 lbs of concrete to the head from 3 stories up would snap somebody’s neck so fast. Instant death.
Given that each of the Top 4 are from Home Alone 2, I think it’s fair to say that 10-year old Kevin is the GOAT. In Home Alone 1 he shows some psychopathic tendencies but in HA2 he finally unleashes his killer instinct
8. BB Gun to Head
This one was also tough to rank. A BB gun to head from a foot away can potentially kill someone depending on the make and model but if it does not kill them it will probably just really sting.
7. 2 story fall from top of house
In Home Alone 2 Marv falls from the top of the house to the basement due to Kevin removing the floorboards. Death from this is unlikely but certainly possible.
6. 2.5 story fall with paint cans
When Kevin sets the rope on fire, the bandits let go and fall 2.5 stories. The fall is broken by some loose floorboards, which launch up paint cans that hit them in the head. Either of these could very easily kill them.
Category VI- Likely death
5. Iron to the head
Marv pulls an iron down that hits him in the head from 2 stories up. Definitely a possibility of death.
4. Electrocution
Kevin electrocutes Marv with up to 150 Amps of electricity, which is almost double the “lethal” amount
3. SUCK BRICK KID
4 bricks to the head from 4 stories up? He’s a goner for sure
2. Head on Fire in kerosene toilet
If this happened there actually would not be an explosion like in the movie. Kerosene does not explode. However his entire face would be on fire with no way to put it out. Definitely dead
1. 100 lb bag of cement to head
This one is underrated and is by far the most effective. 100 lbs of concrete to the head from 3 stories up would snap somebody’s neck so fast. Instant death.
Given that each of the Top 4 are from Home Alone 2, I think it’s fair to say that 10-year old Kevin is the GOAT. In Home Alone 1 he shows some psychopathic tendencies but in HA2 he finally unleashes his killer instinct
Posted on 12/14/23 at 7:28 pm to diddlydawg7
quote:
This one is underrated and is by far the most effective. 100 lbs of concrete to the head from 3 stories up would snap somebody’s neck so fast. Instant death.
Maybe if you're a necklet. Don't skip neck day and you'll survive like marv
Posted on 12/14/23 at 7:33 pm to thatguy45
Sorry. I forgot you’re built like Danny Devito
Posted on 12/14/23 at 7:35 pm to diddlydawg7
quote:
Sorry. I forgot you’re built like Danny Devito
Spoken like a true noodle neck. Sad
Posted on 12/14/23 at 7:45 pm to diddlydawg7
If you came up with this on your own, I'm impressed.
Posted on 12/14/23 at 7:47 pm to diddlydawg7
I've always gotten a kick out of the iron to the face from 2 stories up. Your shite would be wrecked, and if you somehow survived you'd be begging for death.
Posted on 12/14/23 at 7:54 pm to diddlydawg7
I think you are way low on nail through the foot.
Posted on 12/14/23 at 7:59 pm to Ham Solo
quote:
If you came up with this on your own, I'm impressed.
You caught me. I plagiarized buzzfeed
Posted on 12/14/23 at 8:16 pm to diddlydawg7
God damn I love these movies
Posted on 12/14/23 at 8:18 pm to diddlydawg7
quote:
You caught me
I wasn't trying to catch you or anything like that. It just seemed like a lot of effort for a movie board post.
Posted on 12/14/23 at 8:31 pm to Ham Solo
Seems like Kev really wanted to kill Marv based on this list IMO
Just wanted to piss off Harry I reckon
Just wanted to piss off Harry I reckon
Posted on 12/14/23 at 8:36 pm to dirtsandwich
quote:
I think you are way low on nail through the foot
It's easily above the next two on the list, cars and beads. That pain would be super temporary and fade within 5-10 minutes. A nail through the foot would not fade especially while continuing to use it I would think.
This post was edited on 12/14/23 at 8:37 pm
Posted on 12/14/23 at 8:42 pm to Teddy Ruxpin
I dunno man those dudes are clearly in their thirties or older, slip on a car and bam your back is out. That shite is painful and will last for weeks, would rather a nail in the foot IMO
Posted on 12/14/23 at 8:54 pm to Teddy Ruxpin
I’ll take the ornament walk over that fricking nail
Posted on 12/14/23 at 9:09 pm to 225rumpshaker
quote:
That shite is painful and will last for weeks, would rather a nail in the foot IMO
You've clearly never had a nail or screw through your foot
I'll bust my arse on hardwood twice before I even think about taking the nail.
Posted on 12/14/23 at 9:36 pm to diddlydawg7
Can’t argue too much with the list however I’d have the treehouse rope ranked as the worst. Cutting the rope allows them to get back to ground level pretty quickly which either traps Kevin in the treehouse or forces him to run for it which clearly backfired as they were able to catch him pretty quickly
Posted on 12/14/23 at 9:46 pm to diddlydawg7
Great topic.
Where would you rank the tarantula on Marv's face? Easily Kevin's best improv, and if you're going to count a "third party" trap with the woman slapping Marv then I think you gotta put Marv drilling Harry with the crowbar trying to get the spider on the list too.
Where would you rank the tarantula on Marv's face? Easily Kevin's best improv, and if you're going to count a "third party" trap with the woman slapping Marv then I think you gotta put Marv drilling Harry with the crowbar trying to get the spider on the list too.
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