re: Soft White Underbelly- A Divorce Attorney’s Thoughts on Love and Marriage

Marriage is easy in your 20's. And it makes tremendous sense. You find a girl who turns you on physically and who is agreeable, and who you think would be a good mother. and she takes a bet on your potential. She projects who you will be in the future, the kind of nurturing father, your potential career-wise etc. You can't live without the sex because she knows how to touch your pee-pee just right. You make a pact with each other to bring kids into the world and create a loving environment. It's beautiful and will likely/hopefully be the sweetest part of your life. And really, being a Dad is THE greatest honor and responsibility. So it's beautiful and fullfilling.

And then....cue the scary music...

Fast forward 30 years, she's enveloped in the kind of female emotional self-obsession that overtakes women as they age, wherein you are required to journey into her unhappiness and insecurities 10 times a day. She will offer her opinion on your every action, whether you want her to or not, and it will always fail to meet her standards. Your ideas will become irrelevant. See, she doesn't share your love of peace, she wants you to be hands on 24/7/365 to assist her in working her shite out. See you exist, to help her on her journey. Sure, she will say the right things and paint herself in a flattering light, but men are really just there to be a woman's lifeboat. Her job is to capsize it and your job as a man is to keep it upright. Suddenly the most important thing is how you make her feel about whatever is on her mind on a given day-how willing you are to be her human Kleenex (trust me they aren't ever satisfied), You will have NO peace because that will interfere with her beloved journey into self. Your job is to provide the stability AND be the manager of her emotions. Which as you will discover, is the entire reason for a relationship. Her precious feelings. Managing her feelings will become your fulltime job.

With the nature of women in mind, there is zero reason to marry (or even do more than date casually and specifically for sex and companionship) other than having a family. I acknowledge the unicorn women who I am told by so many youngsters here that are said to exist, I just have never seen one myself in the wild. And I'd like those guys to get back to me when she's 50, hyper-critical of your every move, wrinkled up, and on 3 anti-depressants, seeing a psychologist, hates virtually everybody outside of her immediate circle, in thrall to NPR and MSNBC, and can't go 30 seconds without unburdening all her deep thoughts on whatever man she is currently victimizing.

Get married to have a family. Enjoy it. And then hold your breath after the kids are grown...