re: This is the hardest thing I have ever been through.

It's hard right now for sure. The memories are fresh and they rip your heart right out. But, the same memories that rip you to shreds today, in time, will be the memories that bring you happiness and strength. Time will turn it around for you. Just keep going and don't listen to anyone who says it's time to move on with your life - do that on your own timeline. Prayers brother.