re: Ladies and Gentlemen.....Spain´s First Victim

Ok ladies and gents I'mma set the stage here:

Brazil comes out flatter than expected and ties their first match with Croatia. Mexico loses half of their players in the match against Cameroon due to overly physical play, multiple red cards, and the fact that the match was officiated by Koman Coulibaly. In the most egregious play of the match, Eto'o got so annoyed with little pea that he ran over and grabbed his crotch with the intention to literally rip his balls off. To the surprise of no one, in the place of two testicles Eto'o found a vagina. Even more irritated, he immediately ran to Dos Santos and ripped off his one descended testicle with a single, swift motion. Coulibaly was no more than five feet away from the incident, but rather than sending off Eto'o he called a foul on Dos Santos. When asked after the game as to why he did so, Coulibaly gave no explanation. Final score: 13-0.

In the next set of matches Croatia tied Cameroon 1-0, and Brazil beat Mexico 1-0 in what the British papers called "a dour affair." After scoring on Mexico in the fastest goal scored in WC history, all of El Tri spontaneously collapsed to the ground in tears. Once order was restored and the ball put back in in the center circle, the Mexican team, in a show of solidarity, walked to the locker room holding hands, refusing to succumb to the hurt of their own disgrace. Before they got away they were all given yellow cards and ordered back on the field. Play was resumed and the ball was immediately stolen by Neymar, who in an effort to impress his home fans performed youtube tricks around the crying Mexicans for the next 89 minutes. The Brazilian fans were so thrilled by the display that they did not realize, in fact, that this was incredibly stupid.

It all came down to the final day. Brazil, Cameroon, and Croatia needed a result to advance. The pressure finally got to Brazil and they were only able to eek out a 1-1 draw against an overmatched Cameroon. It was out of their hands now. Mexico had to tie 0-0 or beat Croatia for Brazil to advance on goals scored (Cro), or to advance on GD (Mex), respectively. Mexico, desperate not to leave the WC with nothing to show for it, played their hearts out against Croatia. Then, in the 90th minute, Croatia subbed on Luka Modric for an offensive spark. Mistaking him for Graham Zusi, the Mexicans immediately kneeled before him in prayer. Croatia walked in a goal and the game ended, with Brazil crashing out without a win and with Croatia and Cameroon advancing.

The outrage was unlike anything ever seen in Brazil. The riots that proceeded were ten times those seen at the Confederations Cup the year before. The rage was concentrated at two organizations... the CBF and the FMF. In short time the Brazilian team went missing, and the bodies were never found. The hotel that the Mexican team was staying at was burned to the ground, killing everyone inside. In an amazing coincidence, both Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini were in the hotel to present El Tri with their participants medals, and also perished.

TL;DR: The US somehow wins this thing and Sunil Gulati becomes the next head of FIFA and immediately revokes the WC from Qatar and relocates it to.... 'MURICA.


The end.

Ladies and Gentlemen...Spain's foil.