Open letter to Stormy Daniels

Dear Stormy,

Shut the frick up.

I say that, not having listened to anything you've ever said, the same as every other man on the planet except for gay men, who probably do listen to you. I don't know. We straight men only know you're flapping your jaws, and we scan the crib notes, maybe. Most of us just read the headlines and move on.

Your boobs are big fake arse balloons and are not very attractive. I'm pretty sure I've never seen you in a porno, thank God.

At best, you sort of look like Mary Hart from Entertainment Tonight, except Mary Hart is not a whore. You are! You're a whore and you're stupid.

Here's a list of tweeners I'd bang instead of you.

- The mom on Little House on the Prairie.
- June Cleaver
- Deela, the Scalosian Queen, from Star Trek
- Nurse Chapel from Star Trek
- Kelly Rajnigandha Kapoor
- Carol Brady
- Courtney Love - I hope that hurts you Stormy!
- Tori Spelling - Wham!!
- Debi Mazar
- Britney Spears while bald and fat
- Amy Poehler


Sincerely,

Harry Rex Vonner