Monica Lewinsky is the original #metoo girl

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Its 20 been years since Bill Clinton splooged his unborn children onto Monica Lewinsky’s dress and wiped the residuals on the nearest house plant. Wouldn’t you agree that calls for a celebration? Monica Lewinsky sure thinks so. She labels herself as “survivor of the unimaginable” as if secretaries sucking off their bosses doesn’t happen at almost every office in America. Even the Oval in her case. How else was someone whose only skill is answering telephones at the White House going to get a promotion? Fellatio for her led to a book deal, a Barbara Walters interview, and a line of handbags. But now the natural born opportunist is attempting to capitalize from the MeToo movement. Since the hashtag was already taken she started a survivor’s chain on Twitter.

If Monica survived anything it was avoiding the same fate as her role model Marilyn Monroe. Monroe’s affair with powerful political figures ended a little less lucratively and slightly more lethal than anticipated. Still somehow Monica walks away from consensually slurping Bill’s balls as a heroine. If someone were to bring up survivors to never forget from almost two decades ago the first thing that comes to mind are those that lived through 9/11 more than Monica having William’s willy in her mouth.

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