Latest, greatest minority. Zoophiles!

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The recently crowned Best Picture is about a woman getting freaky with a fish-man hybrid thing. And the fantasy seems to have created a stir among a certain segment of the alt-left. Since the markets abhor a vacuum, Shape of Water-inspired dildos are earning rave reviews at places like Slate. But the Huffington Post’s Ashley Feinberg has no time for mere baubles of unfulfilled aquatic fantasy. She found a fish fornication expert to review “The Shape of Water." Malcolm J. Brenner sleeps with the fishes. Or, he did, back in the 1970s. And it was an aquatic mammal, not a fish. But the fact is, according to Feinberg, Brenner “fell in love with and ultimately made love to a dolphin named Dolly.” On porpoise! (Sorry.) Brenner later wrote a book about the fling, and was the subject of a documentary (trailor below). He calls himself a “zoophile,” but he’s no love ‘em and leave ‘em playboy. Feinberg tells us Brenner “draws a careful distinction between zoophiles and mere bestialists … the latter “might just have sex with an animal and walk away,” while the former “is someone who has tender or caring emotions for their animal partner.” You know where this is going, right? Feinberg notes that “‘The Shape of Water’ ... frames its interspecies romance in social-justice terms.” Yep. Brenner and other zoophiles are a repressed minority, misunderstood by hidebound traditionalist society. Brenner says he’s had bigots “threatening to go Lorena Bobbitt on me because I made love with a Feedback “I’m hoping that in a more enlightened future,” he tells Feinberg, “zoophilia will be no more regarded as controversial or harmful than interracial sex is today.” Love wins!

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I would like to think that society will become less religious, because the prohibitions in Leviticus are the only conceivable basis for any laws against bestiality. I can’t see that my boffing my dog has any effect on society, good or ill, as long as I’m not hurting her or abusing her. Laws against animal cruelty ought to be sufficient without criminalizing the act of interspecies sex, which organizations like PETA are trying to do.”

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