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L.A.
Los Angeles Dodgers Fan
The Mojave Desert
Member since Aug 2003
60994 posts

Ireland Declares Asking An Immigrant To Stop Stabbing You A Hate Crime

quote:

DUBLIN — Ireland's Prime Minister Leo Varadkar announced that under the nation's new hate speech laws, asking an immigrant to stop stabbing you will now be considered a hate crime.

"We will not tolerate racist slurs such as, 'Please, stop stabbing me, I'm dying'. That sort of hate has no home here in Ireland," said Varadkar. "The vile, xenophobic backlash against people stabbing people ends today."

According to sources, the new hate speech law will also require those being stabbed to keep their eyes closed so as not to develop any sort of prejudice against the attacker. In addition to outlawing whining about being stabbed, the law will also apply to protesting against someone stabbing children. "If a person's culture dictates that they need to stab children from Irish culture, who are we to say which culture is right?" said Varadkar. "Asking people to assimilate into a non-stabbing culture is xenophobia at its absolute worst."

Citizens across Ireland have debated the merits of the new law, however no one outside of Ireland could understand a single word of what was said. Famed mixed martial artist Conor McGregor has become the voice of those opposed to dystopian government overreach, openly defying the Prime Minister to arrest him. Irish police have reportedly attempted to arrest McGregor, but McGregor eluded capture by doing his weird little "Billionaire Strut".

At publishing time, the Prime Minister had announced that for next Saint Patrick's Day the government will hand out stickers to citizens reading, "Kill me, I'm Irish."

Babylon Bee




Ribbed
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Jun 2023
2745 posts

re: Ireland Declares Asking An Immigrant To Stop Stabbing You A Hate Crime
quote:

Babylon Bee

How woul you know if they didn't tell you?

Irish lives matter!


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90
TrueTiger
LSU Fan
Chicken's most valuable
Member since Sep 2004
66962 posts

re: Ireland Declares Asking An Immigrant To Stop Stabbing You A Hate Crime
I fondly recall another Ireland from the 80s.



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140
Tantal
Texas A&M Fan
Member since Sep 2012
13295 posts

re: Ireland Declares Asking An Immigrant To Stop Stabbing You A Hate Crime
Babylon Bee isn't satire. It's just early.


ksayetiger
Wisconsin Fan
Centenary Gents
Member since Jul 2007
67954 posts
 Online 

re: Ireland Declares Asking An Immigrant To Stop Stabbing You A Hate Crime
quote:

Babylon Bee isn't satire. It's just early.




The Bee and conspiracy theories, both true in 6-9 months


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10
Epaminondas
LSU Fan
The Boot
Member since Jul 2020
3951 posts

re: Ireland Declares Asking An Immigrant To Stop Stabbing You A Hate Crime
Irish Lives Matter.


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