re: I propose a Ferguson style riot if the Poli-Board does not get Christmas lights!

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ARE WE RIOTING OR ARE WE EATING?

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LIGHTS OR WE BAKE CHICKEN

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If we have a food fight - I know, I know, this is a riot and whatnot - but they're going to ask us to leave.

And all those poor servers who get subminimum wage are going to have to clean that up.

Again - we're honkies - let's try to stick with what we know.

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We are rioting for lights ... and breadsticks.

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Where did you find that?

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We're smoking some pot, eating some poultry, and then we'll see how admins respond to our demands

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Roast chickens

Serves eight to 12.

2-3 free-range organic chickens, each weighing 2-2.5kg

50-100g soft butter

Salt and ground black pepper

4-6 fresh bay leaves, torn in half

2-3 large sprigs fresh thyme

1 lemon

1 whole head garlic, broken into cloves and roughly bashed

About 200ml white wine

About 200ml water

Remove the birds from the fridge at least an hour before cooking so they can come to room temperature. Preheat the oven to 220C/425F/gas mark 7. Put the giblets in the fridge for making stock later. (Separate the livers from the giblets because they'll make the stock bitter. Fry them up for nibbles, or use them in the stuffing - see below.)

Untruss the birds' legs and give them a tug and a wiggle to separate them a bit from the bodies, then place the birds in the largest roasting tray you can fit in your oven. Make sure there's as much space around them as possible and enlarge the opening of the cavities with your fingers, so hot air can circulate inside the birds. Smear the birds all over with the soft butter, then season generously all over. Put a couple of bay leaves, a sprig of thyme, a couple of slices of lemon and a few whole garlic cloves inside and under each bird.

Place in the centre of the hot oven, roast for 30 minutes, then baste the with the buttery juices, turn down the oven to 180C/350F/gas mark 4, pour the wine into the tin (not over the birds) and roast for another 40-60 minutes, depending on their size. Test they are done by poking a knife where the thigh joins the breast - the juices released should run clear. Tip the birds on end so any juices in their cavities run into the tin, then transfer to a large, warmed dish and cover with foil. Leave to rest for 15-20 minutes before carving. This gives you time to finish all the trimmings, and make the gravy.

Gravy

You don't have to make gravy at all - the juices pooled in the roasting tin will be savoury and delicious enough to act as a sauce as they are. But you can work with those juices, and a simple stock made by simmering the birds' giblets (minus the liver) with a few stock veg and a bay leaf, to produce a richer, more plentiful gravy. After all, it is Christmas ...

½ glass white wine

1-2 tsp plain flour (optional)

Up to 250ml chicken giblet stock

1 tsp redcurrant jelly

Salt and ground black pepper

Skim any excess fat from the juices in the roasting tin (don't be too fastidious: you want a bit of fat). Put the tin over a low heat, add the wine and deglaze (ie, let the liquid bubble while you scrape up any bits of caramelised meat adhering to the base). For a slightly thickened gravy, add some flour now - sprinkle on a teaspoon at first and work it thoroughly into the juices so there are no lumps; add more only if you have an awful lot of cooking juices to work with.

Strain the juices into a small pan and add the stock - not all at once. Bring to a simmer, cook for a minute or so, then taste. If you think it wants a touch of fruitiness, add some redcurrant jelly. If it seems robust, add a bit more stock. And if it tastes a little thin, boil it down until its intensity of flavour pleases you. When it's just about right, season to taste and set aside until it's time to serve.

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But where are the lights? I'm starting to feel animated...

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I think Chicken has a "no negotiating with terrorists" policy

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