re: Worst date you've ever been on

Met a girl online and went to meet her and she was easily 6'2" 250 I was like "oh frick" my roommates are about to destroy me. She follows me back to my place and I take as many back roads and alleys as I could find to try to make sure she could never get back to my place after tonight. We walk in and both of my roommates are there and they just start giving me the look and shite eating grins. I told her to just take her stuff up to my room and then we would go eat and go to a few bars. I came home shite faced drunk and pounded that big girl for two hours then went to sleep.

The next morning was terrible because my roommates had been plotting on me all night. We were having a work BBQ thing that night and they invited big girl to go with us. She was all excited and said she was going to go home and go get her hair done so she would look good for the party. When she leaves they just fall out in the floor laughing at me. I told them that the joke was on them that she was never finding her way back. Well, fast forward in the day. We are sitting on the back porch drinking a beer waiting to leave to go do the party and dear god if she didn't pull up in the driveway. My roommates just start laughing and I started thinking this girl is going to meet everyone I work with and I will never hear the end of this. It was time for MrLarson to be an absolute arse. Big girl sits down with us and asks me how I like her hair and I said listen this isn't going to work and I've got to go pick someone up that is going to this BBQ and I got up and walked to my car and drove off. Left her there with my roommates.

TL;DR
Met a big amazon woman and my roommates tried to frick me over about it but I got the last laugh.

Haha that is an awesome story. Don't care if it is true or not

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Every single date I've been on with a white woman.

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Curious but just how many?
It could just be you.

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Met a big amazon woman and my roommates tried to frick me over about it but I got the last laugh.

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You see an embarrassment, I see me breeding the next jj watt or gronk into production.

The summer of 1960, I was home from my freshman year at LSU and my best baw from high school was home from Louisiana College. He was dating a hot chick – a good 6.5/7.0 on the OT scale, but she wouldn’t go out with him unless he got a date for her cousin who was spending a couple of weeks with her. My baw asks me if I’d take the cousin out and double date with him and the hot chick. I knew the hot chick, so how bad could the cousin be? We picked our dates up – the cousin was some kind of ugly. She was stocky (that’s a generous assessment), she had no neck – her head just rested between her shoulders. Her nose came out of her forehead instead of between her eyes and her face looked like it had once caught on fire and somebody beat the fire out with a track shoe.

My baw was driving, so I pulled him aside and said that I didn’t want to go anywhere in public with this “girl”. He said sure, but then his date (he was desperately trying to get into her pants) says she had been wanting to see a picture playing at one of the two downtown theaters. He drives up and parks by the movie house and the three of them get out. I couldn’t stay in the car by myself so I went inside and just hoped nobody spotted me. I thought I was successful.

Next morning (Sunday) when I came down for breakfast my mother (my own mother!) commented that she had heard I had gone to the movies with a really ugly girl. Turns out my sister had seen us downtown.

Years later this same baw fixed me up on a blind date with a little Cajun girl that I eventually married.

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yep, there are some real winners out there, a friend of ours told us she was set up on a blind date by some friends with some swabbie, she's pretty hot, a little shy at first but is an absolute horn dog, said she intended to get laid no matter what that night, so the schmoe takes her to Ruth Chris, nice she thinks, I'm so grateful to get laid that I'm going to pick up the tab, the girly boy Navy puke got so embarrassed that he just got up and stormed out, his friends were mortified, she said she had to go home and settle for her BOB

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Touché

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I have always wanted to frick a pregnant chick

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Its all great until something grabs your d!ck.

All joking aside...when the wife was pregnant, it was the best sex ever.

I've never had any worth mentioning but I'll give you one from a good buddy of mine/roommate. Back when Myspace was at its peak, he started talking to the daughter of some long lost love of his dads. They end up meeting at her place, about an hour away from our house. She ends up being about tree fiddy, as would've been expected. He took her to Burger King and back to her place. He hung around long enough to get a blow job and a free bow, which belonged to her ex.

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Went out with a girl who insisted on calling me "Daddy-o."

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Sounds good to me

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I ordered a beer and he ordered a white zinfandel....I'll just leave it at that.

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Not a fan of cultured gents M'lady?