re: Wedding Party Advice

OP, after thinking about for a little bit, here is my best advice for you:

Obviously, you need to have a nice, long sit-down to address this with your fiancee. In doing so, you need to separate out the two primary issues here.

Issue #1: This whole charade is all about one thing...she is trying to make you choose between her and your best friend. This is not uncommon at all in relationships, and you shouldn't see it as a deal-breaker, as some on the OT have suggested. But yes, it is a red flag that needs to be addressed.

GFs, fiancees, and wives will test boundaries to see just how much they can manipulate their mates. This isn't evil or malicious. It's just the way humans operate. If you think about it, guys do the same thing, but we just do it differently.

Your fiancee is trying to see if she can make you slight your best man (who I'm assuming is your best friend) to appease her. How you respond is useful information for her either way. You are either a mate that she can manipulate into doing whatever she wants. Or you are a mate whose wants, desires, and friendships are equal to hers. It goes without saying that you want to be perceived as the latter.

When you sit down, you need to make it clear that this is a bullshite situation that she's putting you in. The amount of fallout that this could cause between you and your best friend (and his GF) is obscenely disproportionate to the annoyance - or whatever - of having the GF present at the wedding. If this were a more serious situation, you would have her back, but this is pettiness beyond rationalization.

She knows damn good and well that you both will be so busy on your wedding day that you won't even notice the GF is there. And even if you did, then tough shite. It's your best friend's SO of five years, and it's inexcusable that your best man would not be allowed to bring a date. Kind of sucks that his GF happens to be a girl who you dated before, but sometimes that's just how life works out. Everyone should be mature enough individuals to handle it for a few hours.

Issue #2: The second issue is your relationship (or lack thereof) with your best man's GF. If you've addressed the first issue properly, then this one is simple.

If your fiancee can't trust that there's nothing there between you and this girl after the fact that she's been dating your best friend for five years, then ya'll need to break it off right now. By making this a big deal, she's basically insinuating that you are so shitty of a person that you'd cheat on your wife with your best friend's SO. And if that's the kind of person your fiancee thinks you are, then it needs to end, because you can't marry someone who doesn't trust you.


Anyway, that's my 2 cents. Good luck brother!

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UGATiger26

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Solid post.

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I think she's being unreasonable but she sees it as me choosing him over her.

Am I wrong?

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She is being unreasonable. If she is this petty, you may want to reconsider pledging your life to her.

It was 2 months, tell you fiance to get over it, she's being unreasonable.

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I really appreciate you writing all of this.

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No problem. Thanks for the update. Let us know how it goes

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I haven't brought it up to my best man yet so he has no idea right now. I don't think I will bring it up at all with him actually.

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Your intuition is correct. Don't bring it up to him. It doesn't help solve the problem in any way. All it will do is cause friction between him and your fiancee/wife. You don't want to risk that grudge being there.

Red flag

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She's wrong. Period.

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Yes, she's wrong, but if you're going to avoid women because they're wrong, then you're never going to be with a woman ever.

If this is the only issue the OP has with his fiance, they will be just fine. Even the most secure of a woman will get insecure around their man's former flame.

Does she not want her at the wedding at all or just doesn't want to send a specific invite to her?

Pretty nuts if she doesn't understand that your best man is bringing his gf of 5 years.

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It sure the frick is uncommon in normal relationships

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This. Most people in normal relationships understand the value of having close relationships with their friends. I mean...the OP is marrying this girl. That should already speak to this chick her value in his life. She shouldn't need to resort to these tactics so he can "prove" her worth to him. She should be preparing for their wedding and marriage and focusing on them...not getting upset over things that simply are not worth it in the long run. She is risking damaging the OP's relationship with his best friend...a move that will only make him more resentful towards her later on.


I could maybe see the girl's side if this other chick had done something absolutely horrible to her..then yeah I would get not wanting that person at your wedding. But the other girl's only crime...was dating the groom a lonnnnnnnnnng time ago and for only 2 months. Not even long enough for them to get serious.

Your fiance sounds like shes got a bad case of the crazy.

Remember the scene in Old School where Will Ferrell is getting married and his friends are at the altar telling him he still has enough of a head start to get away?

Yeah that's what we are doing, except well enough in advance for it to actually work.