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Quick joke to start your day - "The difference between Oo and oO"
Posted on 3/16/17 at 7:59 am
Posted on 3/16/17 at 7:59 am
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance
instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils
of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."
On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: Oo.
Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your
brain after drugs. "That's admirable," says the judge.
Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"
Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says.
"I drew two circles like this: oO.
Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your a-hole before prison .."
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance
instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils
of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."
On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: Oo.
Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your
brain after drugs. "That's admirable," says the judge.
Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"
Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says.
"I drew two circles like this: oO.
Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your a-hole before prison .."
This post was edited on 3/16/17 at 8:00 am
5
Posted on 3/16/17 at 8:03 am to The Mick
Father O'Malley was walking through the fields in Belfast when he looked down and saw a four leaf clover. He picked it and spoke outloud "This must be me lucky day!" Then a Leprechaun came out from behind a tree and stood before him. "Oh it is me lucky day! Do I get a wish now?"
The Leprechaun replied "Father, we'll get to that, but I have to ask you a question of dire importance. Do you have a leprechaun nun in your church?"
The father replied "No, I don't have a leprechaun nun in me church. Do I get my wish now?" At this moment another leprechaun comes out from behind the tree and is giggling and snorting "Oh me lord, two leprechauns! Do I get two wishes now?"
The first leprechaun replied "In a minute father, tell me this; In your travels of Ireland, have you ever seen a leprechaun nun?" The father replied "No I can't say I have seen a leprechaun nun in me travels of Ireland."
The second leprechaun is now laughing and snorting and turning beat red. The Father asks "What about me wishes now?" The first Leprechaun says "After this final question. In your travels of the world, have you ever seen a leprechaun nun?"
The father replies "Not in my travels of the world, Ireland or in my church have I ever seen a leprechaun nun. The second leprechaun is now rolling on the ground in hysterical laughter. He yells "I TOLD YOU YOU frickED A PENGUIN!"
The Leprechaun replied "Father, we'll get to that, but I have to ask you a question of dire importance. Do you have a leprechaun nun in your church?"
The father replied "No, I don't have a leprechaun nun in me church. Do I get my wish now?" At this moment another leprechaun comes out from behind the tree and is giggling and snorting "Oh me lord, two leprechauns! Do I get two wishes now?"
The first leprechaun replied "In a minute father, tell me this; In your travels of Ireland, have you ever seen a leprechaun nun?" The father replied "No I can't say I have seen a leprechaun nun in me travels of Ireland."
The second leprechaun is now laughing and snorting and turning beat red. The Father asks "What about me wishes now?" The first Leprechaun says "After this final question. In your travels of the world, have you ever seen a leprechaun nun?"
The father replies "Not in my travels of the world, Ireland or in my church have I ever seen a leprechaun nun. The second leprechaun is now rolling on the ground in hysterical laughter. He yells "I TOLD YOU YOU frickED A PENGUIN!"
Posted on 3/16/17 at 8:03 am to The Mick
What do you call a man who rounds up cattle?
A Cowboy
What do you call a dog that rounds up sheep?
A sheepdog.
What do you call a man who rounds up other men?
A menman
A Cowboy
What do you call a dog that rounds up sheep?
A sheepdog.
What do you call a man who rounds up other men?
A menman
Posted on 3/16/17 at 8:04 am to The Mick
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
Because it's white and settles on their land.
Posted on 3/16/17 at 8:05 am to fr33manator
An Atheist Died and Went to Heaven
Upon meeting St Peter at the pearly gates, the atheist can't seem to hide his surprise.
St Peter asks, "you ok guy, you seem out of sorts."
The atheist responds, "well, to be honest, I wasn't expecting there to be a heaven, much less make it there."
St Peter looks directly at him at him, "WELP, here it is!"
The atheist, forever grateful, "...thanks, I really appreciate it..I"
St Peter cuts him off, "NOOO problem, we get this type of misunderstanding all the time. Please step forward."
The atheist meekly inches toward St Peter. St Peter yells:
"THANKS!"
And pulls a latch opening a trap door underneath the atheist sending him into the flames of hell.
Upon meeting St Peter at the pearly gates, the atheist can't seem to hide his surprise.
St Peter asks, "you ok guy, you seem out of sorts."
The atheist responds, "well, to be honest, I wasn't expecting there to be a heaven, much less make it there."
St Peter looks directly at him at him, "WELP, here it is!"
The atheist, forever grateful, "...thanks, I really appreciate it..I"
St Peter cuts him off, "NOOO problem, we get this type of misunderstanding all the time. Please step forward."
The atheist meekly inches toward St Peter. St Peter yells:
"THANKS!"
And pulls a latch opening a trap door underneath the atheist sending him into the flames of hell.
Posted on 3/16/17 at 8:06 am to tke857
A black man walks up to a bar and orders a beer.
He's met with "we don't serve your kind here"
Angry the black guy retorts, "What do you mean MY kind?"
"I mean black"
The black guy quickly calms down "oh, cool. I thought you might be assuming my gender"
He's met with "we don't serve your kind here"
Angry the black guy retorts, "What do you mean MY kind?"
"I mean black"
The black guy quickly calms down "oh, cool. I thought you might be assuming my gender"
Posted on 3/16/17 at 8:07 am to theunknownknight
quote:
"THANKS!"
And pulls a latch opening a trap door underneath the atheist sending him into the flames of hell.
I love a happy ending. Filthy atheist should have believed in the correct deity and he wouldn't have to suffer for eternity.
Posted on 3/16/17 at 8:12 am to The Mick
A Bama fan walks into a bar with a frog on his forehead. The bartender looks at him and says, "what the hell is that". The frog says, "I don't know...it started out as a wart on my arse".
Posted on 3/16/17 at 8:37 am to The Mick
Source material for joke posted last week
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