re: Marrying your first real girlfriend/ girl you had sex with

My first was a psychotic lesbian who occasionally liked to have extremely rough sex with guys. She was terrible in bed and had a vagina that looks like a double mega burger from roul's.

I probably could have married my second, but I'd want to kill myself... A lot.

There was a whole lot of random vagina for a few years and then I met my wife. Younger than me, had been in a relationship with a douchebag for a long period of time. As far as she knows, I am god's gift to the female form.

I mean, I am. But it's kind of offset by the fact that I look like bam bam biggelo.