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re: Is this a red flag? ie: dating and dealing with girl's mom

Posted on 3/2/14 at 11:12 am to
Posted by bencoleman
RIP 7/19
Member since Feb 2009
37887 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 11:12 am to
Dude just step away now. My ex-mother in law was practically running our household. I tried talking til I was blue in the face. Nothing ever worked. Her new husband has to deal with it too, when they bought their new house they bought the one next door too, for her mom.
Posted by Goldrush25
San Diego, CA
Member since Oct 2012
33880 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 11:23 am to
Don't see why OP doesn't just have a frank discussion with the GF to let her know that it bothers you that much and you want the dynamic to change. She can't read your mind. At least give her a chance to work the situation on her end.
This post was edited on 3/2/14 at 11:25 am
Posted by bulldog95
North Louisiana
Member since Jan 2011
21176 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 11:28 am to
Is the mom hot is she a MILF.

If yes then stay with GF.

If no then continue to hit it while shopping around.

Win/win
Posted by RBWilliams8
Member since Oct 2009
53899 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 11:28 am to
quote:

Guess who's mom just invited herself to come to parades with us.


Dude.... You need to talk to the chick. If you're cool with this happening all the time then that's on you. I couldn't do it. I enjoy spending time with my inlaws but my wife knows to ask me first without saying "hold on, let me ask RBW first"...
Posted by 6nmylifetime
668 Neighbor to the Beast
Member since Nov 2012
598 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 11:32 am to
quote:

Run dude.. it will only get worse


Not gonna read 9 pages but this is hands down the correct response. Why do you think she is 28 and still available. Because the last 10 guys before you tapped out due to mom. There's also a reason she only lives a mile from her mom. She's not ready to cut the cord either.
This post was edited on 3/2/14 at 11:34 am
Posted by Goldrush25
San Diego, CA
Member since Oct 2012
33880 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 12:00 pm to
quote:

Why do you think she is 28 and still available


There's plenty of fricked up women getting married at 25 and younger. Average age of first marriage is about 27 for women. There is nothing inherently wrong with an unmarried woman at 28.

What is it about the southern culture that says women have to be married so young? Maybe some have designs about achieving more than expelling a baby out of their birth canal.
Posted by WestlakeTiger
San Antonio, Tejas
Member since Feb 2012
9488 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 12:32 pm to
bro.. her mom is giving her lectures about dudes at 28? IN HER OWN DAMN HOUSE?

frick that, she better be an OT9+ for me to deal with that shite.


either cut losses and be thankful you lost that crazy mom shite or tell the mom to frick off as sternly as you can.
Posted by WestlakeTiger
San Antonio, Tejas
Member since Feb 2012
9488 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 12:40 pm to
quote:

I wonder if mom somehow gave her some $$$ to purchase the house.


BOOOOOOOM I betcha ol overbearing mother bought the house to keep said daughter close, and thinks of the daughters house as an extension of her domain because she paid for it.


run for the fricking hills bro.
Posted by Champagne
Sabine Free State.
Member since Oct 2007
53374 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 12:57 pm to
Yep.

There's no way that Mom didn't put up at least $10,000 for part of the house downpayment.

Posted by Mike da Tigah
Bravo Romeo Lima Alpha
Member since Feb 2005
61358 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 1:01 pm to
I see less issue with a mother who loves her daughter enough to be concerned with her well being than be disconnected. In all actuality, it says to me that she comes from a good home. If she were your daughter, this may be a real issue as well, no matter how old they get really. Still your daughter and you love them.
Posted by Mike da Tigah
Bravo Romeo Lima Alpha
Member since Feb 2005
61358 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 1:05 pm to
Until you commit, you are her husband and she is your wife, and it's your house, you're still just the frick buddy that can be gone tomorrow and the daughter left perhaps holding the bag, and the mom is still her mom.

Wanna make the rules? Commit, and then you can have a talk with mom and explain the new ground rules if necessary to do so.
This post was edited on 3/2/14 at 1:07 pm
Posted by Sho Nuff
Oahu
Member since Feb 2009
13374 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 1:22 pm to
quote:

Everyone saying this is either stupid, skanky, or raised by skanks.

What daughter would tell Hey old fashioned Southern parents "quit coming over to my house to be with me. I'm trying to frick guys and have adult sleepovers"


Nice job of quoting completely out of context, dipshit. I compared talking to her mother straight up being easier than packing up and moving a house as Arkla had suggested.

But even then, she's 28 and owns her own home. I didn't say to tell the mom she can't come over. I said the daughter needs to talk to mom IF she wants to be with the guy and let mom know there are boundaries.

You call that being a skank or raised by a skank?
Sorry you didn't get to live in the good ole' days when women couldn't vote
Posted by SimonSlick
Member since Oct 2007
3873 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 1:27 pm to
quote:

I see less issue with a mother who loves her daughter enough to be concerned with her well being than be disconnected. In all actuality, it says to me that she comes from a good home. If she were your daughter, this may be a real issue as well, no matter how old they get really. Still your daughter and you love them.


This. He has only been around a couple of months, and is far less important to her than the mother.
Posted by SimonSlick
Member since Oct 2007
3873 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 1:29 pm to
quote:

But even then, she's 28 and owns her own home. I didn't say to tell the mom she can't come over. I said the daughter needs to talk to mom IF she wants to be with the guy and let mom know there are boundaries.


Sounds like she did set boundaries, but they were for him instead of the mom.
Posted by Sho Nuff
Oahu
Member since Feb 2009
13374 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 1:30 pm to
quote:

Sounds like she did set boundaries, but they were for him instead of the mom.

Yep. That's what I said in my first post on the first page or so.
Posted by CarpeDiem
Member since Dec 2011
680 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 1:34 pm to
Did she pay for her house? Or did her mom pay for it? If the mom paid for the house (or helped a lot financially), that might be how she's exerting control over your lady.
Posted by OMLandshark
Member since Apr 2009
119977 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 1:40 pm to
Am I the only one who sees the problem being that she was there at 8:00 AM. Regardless of the situation, I'd be pretty pissed if my parents came into my apartment unannounced at 8:00 AM on a Saturday. It just shows that the mom was there solely to see if he was fricking her and sleeping over. No one in their 20s is ready by that time on a Saturday unless they have to work or have actual weekend plans.
Posted by Mike da Tigah
Bravo Romeo Lima Alpha
Member since Feb 2005
61358 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 1:44 pm to
quote:

your lady




Your lady? Are there some kind of papers involved in this transaction, one that transfers ownership?

Old school or not, it's a fact. Until you own the house and it's your rules, or you commit with "I DO" you're just the latest frick buddy. But even still, to think that the mom is going to all of a sudden not voice her opinions to her daughter for her daughter's best interest is ridiculous. His arse could be gone tomorrow, and mom and dad are still there, because you don't just throw that out the window. It's for life. Say I DO, and that's different. You made a commitment that the mother and father should respect and honor.

Until then, you're just the guy putting his dick in my daughter with nothing to really lose. I don't know you, nor do I care until I see something that let's me know you have HER best interest at heart.


This post was edited on 3/2/14 at 1:56 pm
Posted by Mike da Tigah
Bravo Romeo Lima Alpha
Member since Feb 2005
61358 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 1:47 pm to
quote:

Am I the only one who sees the problem being that she was there at 8:00 AM. Regardless of the situation, I'd be pretty pissed if my parents came into my apartment unannounced at 8:00 AM on a Saturday. It just shows that the mom was there solely to see if he was fricking her and sleeping over. No one in their 20s is ready by that time on a Saturday unless they have to work or have actual weekend plans.


I'm up at 5 am like clockwork every morning, Saturdays too. I've already had 3 cups of coffee, shite showers, shaved and on my way to the market downtown by 8 am. I'm pretty much like most people my age who also have daughters that age.

Posted by MikeBRLA
Baton Rouge
Member since Jun 2005
17123 posts
Posted on 3/2/14 at 1:48 pm to
quote:

Go sleep at your house. What's the problem?


The problem with this plan is that the mom will still come over and obviously notice that her daughter isn't there and she'll still have the same issue. She'll still be mad bc her daughter is sleeping with guys.

Whose house they are sleeping at is just geography.
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