re: Has anyone here had or know someone who has had a penis enlargement?

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The ads just ooze intentional cheesiness, none more so than “Enzyte Christmas.”

In the (unlikely) event you’ve never seen it, picture an office holiday party: reindeer sweaters, cubicles festooned with garlands, and antler-headed colleagues engaged in photocopier high jinks. Into this jolly tableau strides Smilin’ Bob—just your average middle manager with a bigger-than-average grin—in a Santa suit. “Not long ago, Santa decided he needed a little more room in his sled,” goes the smarmy voice-over, as a whistling theme song plays in the background. “So he made a call to Enzyte about natural male enhancement. And after a few short weeks, what did he get?” The camera cuts to a group of women who titter and leer in Bob’s general direction. “Why, not only a sleigh full of confidence and a sack full of pride, but it looks like Bob got the one thing that every lady likes: the joy of a gift that keeps on”—big pause—“giving.”

We are alone, except for two distant prison administrators, in the huge sterile visiting room of a medium-security facility in the Appalachian Mountains of West Virginia. I have come to ask Warshak, 43, about what prosecutors call his “diabolical” nature, a nature exhibited—to quote the judge who sentenced him to twenty-five years behind bars—by the “massive fraudulent undertaking” for which he was convicted in August 2008.

The scam was simple, they alleged: Get a customer’s credit card number by offering a free sample (pay only the postage!), then charge the card again for more product than the customer ever ordered. Enzyte was marketed to men who didn’t want to go to the doctor, the government argued, and thus were likely to be ashamed of their sexual inadequacy. Warshak figured he could steal from these customers with minimum risk, prosecutors said; embarrassment would keep them from complaining.

After Warshak’s conviction, Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals went bankrupt and was sold to Chuck Kubicki, a Cincinnati developer who renamed the company Vianda. But Enzyte never went off the market. The company’s new management team has told Spear they want to keep Smilin’ Bob alive. As recently as late summer, Bob popped up on Comedy Central in the middle of the afternoon. It was the Santa ad again, and there was Bob in his big red suit, with a long line of women waiting to sit on his lap. “Yeeees, with things heating up on the old North Pole,” says the narrator, “it looks like there’s no mistaking this Santa for an elf anymore.”

Steve Warshak may not be doing so well these days, but Smilin’ Bob sure is. Very well indeed.

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