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re: Happy Birthday?

Posted on 11/20/16 at 1:36 pm to
Posted by IStandBytheU
Member since Sep 2016
966 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 1:36 pm to
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/21/16 at 9:53 am
Posted by No Colors
Sandbar
Member since Sep 2010
13753 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 1:38 pm to
At the beginning of this I was apologizing. And you told me to stop.

But then I felt like I had to do it all over again. Because I dragged you into this. And I made myself the needy one. And I wasn't truthful with you. And all that. And Keith. And Jennifer.

It was wrong. And it centered around me. And I am sorry for that.
Posted by IStandBytheU
Member since Sep 2016
966 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 1:38 pm to
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/28/16 at 6:42 am
Posted by No Colors
Sandbar
Member since Sep 2010
13753 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 1:39 pm to
I agree with that.

But there will always be someone else. Regardless of what happens with us.
Posted by IStandBytheU
Member since Sep 2016
966 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 1:42 pm to
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/28/16 at 6:42 am
Posted by IStandBytheU
Member since Sep 2016
966 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 1:43 pm to
Huh?
Posted by No Colors
Sandbar
Member since Sep 2010
13753 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 1:44 pm to
About you? I enjoy hanging out and talking to you, being around you, more than anyone I've ever met.

How's that for nice? Enough?

quote:


I have thoughts. About subservient girl. But we'll get to those.


I want to hear. Submissive girl.

And really, there was no one else of significance. Like, the others were just exploration. To see if I could find someone like her. And once I did, I stopped looking. She was what I was looking for. She was, in a way, perfect.

And it took a while. Like, I had to reach out there. And be more aggressive than I was initially comfortable with. And the more I pushed, the more she responded. But it's dangerous. Like: How do you go there? How do you push across that boundary for the first time? I was, with the others, building my confidence. So I was looking, and experimenting at the same time.
Posted by IStandBytheU
Member since Sep 2016
966 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 1:49 pm to
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/28/16 at 6:42 am
Posted by IStandBytheU
Member since Sep 2016
966 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 1:57 pm to
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/20/16 at 4:51 pm
Posted by IStandBytheU
Member since Sep 2016
966 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 1:59 pm to


This post was edited on 11/28/16 at 6:42 am
Posted by IStandBytheU
Member since Sep 2016
966 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 2:10 pm to
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/28/16 at 6:43 am
Posted by IStandBytheU
Member since Sep 2016
966 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 2:13 pm to


I need more info. Then I will share.
This post was edited on 11/25/16 at 11:39 am
Posted by No Colors
Sandbar
Member since Sep 2010
13753 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 2:14 pm to
quote:

How hard is it not to contact her now? Have you wanted to?

She texts me still. It's really hard. To be honest. There's a pull there for sure.

Regardless of what happens, I am 45 days into 90 days of complete sexual sobriety. Absolute. Which is interesting in and of itself. For me, at least.
Posted by No Colors
Sandbar
Member since Sep 2010
13753 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 2:23 pm to
quote:

Push across what boundary?

Having the confidence to say: You are here for me. You will get your pleasure only from me getting mine. Nothing else. I might tell you to meet me somewhere with 20 mins notice. And you will obey. And do whatever I say, in public, or behind a church. Or in an alley. And you cannot even speak unless I tell you to. And I may not even speak to you. And you have to not only be OK with it. But you have to want it that way...

See how hard it is to get there? You run the risk of being slapped. Or having a drink thrown in your face. Or whatever.

But then she gets this look in her eye. And she's like: Do you promise it will be like that? You're not kidding, are you? Please tell me you're for real. How did you know that's what I've always wanted? I've never told anybody. I thought I was crazy or something. I didn't think anyone would understand.

And then she texts me saying: I can't believe I found you. What did I do to deserve someone like you? I go through my day walking on air. I can't believe this is real...etc, etc.

And when I talk to her, she says: I can't breath.

It takes a lot to get there. And then, I didn't want to give it up. I know it's wrong. I know it's not healthy. I know I want it for reasons that are narcissistic, anti social, etc. But I do want it. I did. And I still do.

Just because I give it up, doesn't mean I can't miss it.
Posted by IStandBytheU
Member since Sep 2016
966 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 2:38 pm to
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/28/16 at 6:43 am
Posted by IStandBytheU
Member since Sep 2016
966 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 2:40 pm to
I was wondering about that. That's good. You know what they say about breaking habits...

This post was edited on 11/20/16 at 4:52 pm
Posted by No Colors
Sandbar
Member since Sep 2010
13753 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 2:41 pm to
Uh. No. There's no girl in LA who I send money to. That would be incorrect information.

And I know she's in my way. I will get over it and all that.

She's not perfect looking. Very middle of the road. That's just not an issue for me. To be honest.
Posted by IStandBytheU
Member since Sep 2016
966 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 2:41 pm to
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/28/16 at 6:43 am
Posted by No Colors
Sandbar
Member since Sep 2010
13753 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 2:42 pm to
I have not texted her back. No.

Well, what I mean is that we're both married.
Posted by IStandBytheU
Member since Sep 2016
966 posts
Posted on 11/20/16 at 2:42 pm to


This post was edited on 11/28/16 at 6:43 am
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