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re: Going on a date with a divorced chick (UPDATE page 37)
Posted on 3/2/21 at 4:53 pm to molsusports
Posted on 3/2/21 at 4:53 pm to molsusports
quote:
Unlikely to be a good idea
Why not? If you just say “I’m divorced” and nothing else, seems like that means you are hiding something.
What’s wrong with saying “He was unhappy, I gave it my all to try and save the marriage and it just wasn’t enough”?
3
Posted on 3/2/21 at 4:56 pm to lsunurse
shouldn't be any drama with saying "i'm divorced" these days.
Now, saying "MY HOSPITAL IS OVERRUN WITH COVID ZOMBIES AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!" is definitely a red flag warning you about some issues you want to give a wide berth.
Now, saying "MY HOSPITAL IS OVERRUN WITH COVID ZOMBIES AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!" is definitely a red flag warning you about some issues you want to give a wide berth.
Posted on 3/2/21 at 4:56 pm to LouisianaLady
quote:
you go straight to courting a woman before there's any chance for a sexual/physical attraction to form, she's going to see you as "too nice" and either friend zone you right away, or realize eventually into dating you that she's not full of physical desire for you.
I mean....other dating sites have pics as well. I have to have some attraction there. You usually know when you first meet someone if you are physically attracted to them or not.
Posted on 3/2/21 at 4:59 pm to lsunurse
quote:
if you are physically attracted to them or not.
yep, and in the case of recently divorced people, if he/she isn't the elephant man/woman, you're going in hot and dry
save the electrons, you know it's a scientific fact
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:00 pm to Comic_Tiger
quote:
shouldn't be any drama with saying "i'm divorced" these days.
Unless someone overthinks everything, there really isn't anything to it. shite happens. At 40, someone who's never been married will be a higher risk than someone who's divorced.
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:01 pm to lsunurse
quote:
What’s wrong with saying “He was unhappy, I gave it my all to try and save the marriage and it just wasn’t enough”?
It's longer than it didn't work out. If he asks specific questions and you want to talk then I guess that might work (but it seems like a conversation for later).
The more people need to talk about old relationships the more they haven't moved on.
If he's interested and you are interested why are you talking about the ex? Let it go. The typical story is just a one sided explanation of what the other person did wrong. Tell that to your girlfriend or your shrink, not a guy who will worry he might soon be described in the same negative light.
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:06 pm to VolsOut4Harambe
I did the dating app a couple of times.
First one looked extremely well. Showed up about 50 pounds above the pic. Instant turrn off. Made sure she was miserable.
Second one was as advertised. I felt that I was on a job interview. When she started asking about my 401k I knew she was about the money. I made sure the rest of the date was miserable.
Done with online shite.
Met a nice woman on my own just by chance.
First one looked extremely well. Showed up about 50 pounds above the pic. Instant turrn off. Made sure she was miserable.
Second one was as advertised. I felt that I was on a job interview. When she started asking about my 401k I knew she was about the money. I made sure the rest of the date was miserable.
Done with online shite.
Met a nice woman on my own just by chance.
This post was edited on 3/2/21 at 5:08 pm
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:07 pm to molsusports
quote:
he's interested and you are interested why are you talking about the ex?
It’s a failed marriage...little bit more than just a regular breakup. I feel some sort of small explanation why isn’t bad on a first date. If a guy says he is divorced cause he cheated on his ex wife....that’s gonna make me proceed with extreme caution vs if they just grew apart. Also considering why I am divorced....there wouldn’t be a second date at that point. Someone capable of cheating on their spouse isn’t someone I wish to pursue.
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:08 pm to LSU Delts
quote:
When she started asking about my 401k I knew she was about the money.
where you been baw? 401K is dating 101 topic these days
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:09 pm to StringedInstruments
quote:
And when he’s suddenly not so nice because you have zero physical desire for him, you’ll wonder what happened.
You guys need to stop assuming women prioritize looks the same way men do.
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:11 pm to dbeck
quote:
You guys need to stop assuming women prioritize looks the same way men do.
certainly not after the divorce, and you baws need to get out of the US more often, not as high of apriority there either
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:16 pm to lsunurse
quote:
What’s wrong with saying “He was unhappy, I gave it my all to try and save the marriage and it just wasn’t enough”?
Not that I am by any means an authority on men (or women) in the single world, but most of my single girlfriends who date divorced men wait until 2-3+ dates in to go into detail both in regards to their own divorce and asking about the guy's divorce.
At least from what they have said when men do it to them on date 1, it comes off as wanting pity and not very sexy which is what you're mostly trying to put off on a first date when physical attraction is key. Confidence is the hottest thing we got, after all.
I know that if a dude started going into how he was hurt in his divorce on the first date, it would feel like way too much oversharing. Especially if I wasn't sure if I was into the person just yet.
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:18 pm to lsunurse
quote:
It’s a failed marriage...little bit more than just a regular breakup. I feel some sort of small explanation why isn’t bad on a first date
You don't owe anyone any explanations. Almost every single person in their 30's and 40's has gone through a messy breakup/divorce. If I'm on a 1st date with you..... it would be a bit of a turn off if you felt like you had to "explain" why your marriage didn't work out. Shite happens, people evolve over time and relationships that were once strong wilt under the new personalities. Life hit you with the reset button... show the date who you are today, not what you were when you were married
quote:
If a guy says he is divorced cause he cheated on his ex wife....that’s gonna make me proceed with extreme caution
They won't tell you that on the 1st date...maybe not even the first year. It'll be more like "we drifted apart and it ended messy"
quote:
Someone capable of cheating on their spouse isn’t someone I wish to pursue.
Totally agree.
This post was edited on 3/2/21 at 5:20 pm
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:20 pm to Tigeralum2008
See I’m learning what to do now, thanks 
But I’m no where near ready for all that right now.
But I’m no where near ready for all that right now.
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:20 pm to lsunurse
quote:
It’s a failed marriage...little bit more than just a regular breakup. I feel some sort of small explanation why isn’t bad on a first date
Nah, only if conversation warrants it. Otherwise it will be forced.
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:22 pm to lsunurse
quote:
If a guy says he is divorced cause he cheated on his ex wife....that’s gonna make me proceed with extreme caution vs if they just grew apart
Girl, ain't nobody going to straight up say that to you!
As far as the person you're on the date with is concerned, any story you give on the first date could be totally false and/or one-sided. Just like anything they tell you about their own could be.
It is a conversation that is better for once you're on the path to actually being exclusive, IMO.
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:24 pm to lsunurse
quote:
It’s a failed marriage
Every divorce is
quote:
If a guy says he is divorced cause he cheated on his ex wife....that’s gonna make me proceed with extreme caution vs if they just grew apart.
I dunno if people who cheat are honest enough to admit they did.
quote:
Also considering why I am divorced....there wouldn’t be a second date at that point.
I would be surprised if many people have second dates given the admission of infidelity. My guess is cheaters, liars, and sociopaths know how to avoid admitting what they did wrong.
Which means I doubt your question will effectively get you the information you want.
My guess is all you'll end up doing is raising red flags for the decent guys you might want.
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:26 pm to lsunurse
quote:
But I’m no where near ready for all that right now.
A lot of us on this board were where you are today. I was married for 11 years when my marriage ended (she cheated).
It sucked and was one of the lowest points in my life. But it gets better and you'll find it made you a better person bc you know what you want, and what to avoid the next time around.
This post was edited on 3/2/21 at 5:28 pm
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:28 pm to dbeck
quote:
You guys need to stop assuming women prioritize looks the same way men do.
I don't think that's what he meant. They're saying that the super early point in meeting a person is when you keep it casual, cool, and confident. Don't be an a-hole or something, but going go straight to courting a woman before an actual physical chemistry has been formed won't work out great. Women tend to be turned off (even if not immediately.. eventually) by a guy that started off too nice/friends-like. There's a balance here.
Let the flirty stuff phase into something more. Not vice versa.
Posted on 3/2/21 at 5:28 pm to Bosethus68
quote:
Apparently it bitches too much or she would still be married
too much of one thing, or not enough of the other.
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