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re: "Every book is a children's book...

Posted on 6/17/15 at 12:09 am to
Posted by sabes que
Member since Jan 2010
10156 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 12:09 am to
" I used to do drugs, I mean I still do, but I used to too"
Posted by sabes que
Member since Jan 2010
10156 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 12:11 am to
Damn beat me to it
Posted by Byron Bojangles III
Member since Nov 2012
52834 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 12:19 am to
With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana?'
Posted by Genius_Mofo
Member since Jul 2014
181 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 12:20 am to
"Sure, heroin and cocaine sound like a good idea for a person with a known heart defect."

- Mitch Hedberg, probably
Posted by lsufan_26
Member since Feb 2004
12559 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 12:36 am to
Never heard that one
Posted by Hopeful Doc
Member since Sep 2010
15388 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 12:57 am to
I told the crowd last night to frick off, but then I felt bad, so I said "All right, frick back on."
Posted by northshorebamaman
Mackinac Island
Member since Jul 2009
38579 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 12:59 am to
I like refried beans. I wanna try fried beans because maybe we're just wasting time.
Posted by genro
Member since Nov 2011
62715 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 12:59 am to
THAT TREE IS FAR AWAY!!
Posted by DeathValley85
Member since May 2011
19390 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 1:00 am to
Do you want a frozen banana?

Nah....but I want a regular banana for later...so....yea
Posted by genro
Member since Nov 2011
62715 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 1:02 am to
I like baked potatoes, but they take so long. Sometimes I'll put a potato in the oven even if I don't want one, because by the time it's done, who knows..
This post was edited on 6/17/15 at 1:02 am
Posted by BunkieWrench
Katy
Member since Nov 2008
5735 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 1:56 am to
When I was a kid, I had an ant farm......those little frickers didn't grow shite!
Posted by Jackie Chan
Japan?
Member since Sep 2012
4943 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 2:12 am to
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus... or a really cool opotamus?
Posted by Alan Garner
thigh-land
Member since Oct 2009
3433 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 2:16 am to
bush, party of 3. Yeah... what happened to the Dufrenes? No one seems to give a shite. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! You frickers are selfish. The Dufrenes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry - that's a double whammy. We need help. bush, search party of 3! You can eat once you find the Dufrenes.
Posted by BatonRougeBuckeye
Baton Rouge, LA
Member since Aug 2013
1908 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 6:28 am to
I was going to get my teeth whitened then I say Aw frick it ill just get a tan instead!

I like rice. Its great when your hungry and you want 2000 of something.


The other day I bought a donut and the lady asked me if I wanted the receipt. I said no because I cant imagine a scenario where Id be forced to prove I bought the donut. Theres no need to bring ink and paper into this.
Posted by LSU-MNCBABY
Knightsgate
Member since Jan 2004
25355 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 6:36 am to
-I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two. I would say "Sweet." And then people would say "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say "Just press two for a while and when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough

-You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob," right? But that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that "corn", and they should call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm "Mitch", but then reattach it and call it "Mitch-all-together."


Eta: reading through the whole thread is everyone else reading them in his voice with the inference and drawn out syllables? I'm going to be talking like that for the rest of the day now
This post was edited on 6/17/15 at 6:38 am
Posted by PPL
Member since Nov 2010
447 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 7:41 am to
Man, fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shite. You would not want to submerge your head under water. Nothing but fish going "ahhhhhh frick. I thought I looked like that rock."
Posted by LSUChamp06
Kansas City
Member since Nov 2007
2860 posts
Posted on 6/17/15 at 7:55 am to
"I feel animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same. What does a giraffe taste like? A hippopotamus, I had them back to back."
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