Dear Penthouse Forums...INSTACART SHOPPER edition

Occasionally, I will order groceries via Instacart when they are offering a 40% if you spend a $100 or something. So, today ALDI was running one of those and I just ordered a bunch of staples (rice, beans, tomatoes, potatoes, block cheese, etc.) Standard stuff.

Kathy is going to be my shopper. I don't fricking care. Kathy just need to drop my stuff off on my porch and have a beautiful Saturday.

I am paying Kathy so I don't have to care.

Kathy starts shopping.

Kathy asks if I want to replace block feta cheese with crumbled. I say, "Kathy, that would be just fine. Thank you for asking."

Kathy finishes shopping.

Kathy is now on the way to my home.

My phone begins to go nuts with notifications.

Thinking Kathy has gotten lost, I read the messages,,,

"Are you going to frick me from behind while I make you a sandwich, Daddy?"

"If I make you a salad, will you make the dressing?"

"Does Daddy have a big package for his little girl?"

In the fricking in app messenger!

Now, that's inappropriate as frick, but I want my groceries and...let's just see how this plays out, right? I'm sure she was talking to her boyfriend and just didn't switch over or...who knows?

Anyway, I am waiting in the driveway just to meet KATHY!

Little excited...not going to lie.

Instead a 39 year old Vietnamese man whips into the driveway pissing himself laughing.

It is my friend Chris that helps me work on my truck from time to time. He knows my address. He saw my name. He recognized the address. He was using his girlfriend's account and just decided to take the opportunity to frick with me.

10/10 trolling, Been laughing at myself the whole day.