watched mandalorian with my kid last night tried to have zero expectations

they were met

first, it was WAY TOO FREAKING LONG. granted i had to get up about 4x to deal with the dogs but my son was even like 'hey can we turn the light on and pause it for a minute?' because he was so bored he wanted to play with his toys.

first off, this had all the hallmarks of a "movie script by focus group". it was so vanilla and awful and just meandered. i kept pausing it and was like "another 1 hour & 13 minutes left???"

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- 3 new and improved armored ATATs taken out by one flying guy and a couple of pocket explosives. Good lord. luke skywalker should go to mandalorian school.

- otto the hutt was the cringiest character ever put on screen and i'm loooking at you, jar jar binks. just awful dialog. i can picture some 20something purple hair writing his dialog. just AWFUL. the only thing missing was him making the "heart" shape with his hands in the last scene.

- the big "cage fight" scene looked STRAIGHT OUT of the animated monsters from 1970s sinbad movies! LO frickING L. did they opt for stop-motion graphics here? did they run out of CGI and AI budget when they filmed this? GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY.





- so the big moment is he is looking for a mysterious imperial leader who is a ghost and the stuff of legends but it turns out the guy is basically nathan lane and is captured 30 minutes after the movie started? oh and this is because mandy 'knew' otto wasn't lying when he said he knew who this person was. mandy just walks into his castle (literally) and after shooting a couple of storm troops saunters out the front door with the MOST MYSTERIOUS IMPERIAL OFFICER EVER THAT NOBODY COULD FIND.

- we get RoTJ scene for scene with a floor that opens up to drop the good guy into the pit below. how novel.

- baby yoda and elves have a shoebox sized ship that has a hyperspace drive OK

- mandy gets bitten by a 100ft snake and poisoned to the point he is comatose for days but baby yoda gives him a yoda-hand sized morsel of ground up sticks and mud and instead of slowly recovering; yoda wakes up the next morning to Mandy doing cartwheels in the forest. WOW.

- the Hutt "Fortress" is a TREEHOUSE!?!?!? LMFAO i mean literally LMFAO. To sneak inside, one only has to run their spacheship into the giant mushrooms because they are soft and porous and wont hurt the ship.

- 87yo sigoruney weaver piloting a Y-wing fighter :cringe:

- the one sensible chuckle it got out of me was the targeting computers on the x-wings were the original star wars arcade game graphics. lol that was mildly amusing.

i could go on but this movie was so AWFUL it had to be 'big epic SW by committee' as if Disney learned NOTHING from the 3 epic failures from the trilogy sequels.

if i worked at disney and i saw the final cut i would have told them to toss it and start over. it was awful in how disintereted you were in any of the characters or storyline. it was like Food Town vanilla ice cream. it was so bland it made you want to just turn it off halfway through.