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re: If you die tomorrow, does your significant other have good grasp on financials?

Posted on 5/31/26 at 12:19 pm to
Posted by LemmyLives
Texas
Member since Mar 2019
18339 posts
Posted on 5/31/26 at 12:19 pm to
quote:

has access to the password manager.

Finally someone mentions this. I have hundreds of passwords, and I know two of them: Amazon and my master password.

It's shocking the amount of password reuse on this board.
Posted by ed3303
Member since Jan 2009
400 posts
Posted on 5/31/26 at 4:17 pm to
Live in GF, she is financially independent but has zero concept of fiscal responsibility. Pays her bills, a lot of her adult kid’s bills and spends the rest as quickly as she can…
I love her but there is no way I would leave her unfettered access to my accounts.
Posted by LemmyLives
Texas
Member since Mar 2019
18339 posts
Posted on 5/31/26 at 5:07 pm to
quote:

I would leave her unfettered access to my accounts.

This is the problem with sharing phone PINs and passwords. The concept of non-repudiation (I can prove it was you because your password was used from your home IP address to clean out that retirement account) evaporates when you share your individual logins. Create separate logins for SO's, and make them part of the "household" or similar, but give them zero ability to impersonate you in any way.

Half of this board is full of dudes that swear their significant other is honest and wouldn't steal just because they don't have tattoos.
quote:

lot of her adult kid’s bills and spends the rest as quickly as she can

shite, I identified my GF's 17 year old child as a potential failure to launch issue that could bite me/us in five years. Your situation sounds like you have the potential to get sued for common law marriage kind of a mess.
Posted by Bard
Definitely NOT an admin
Member since Oct 2008
61062 posts
Posted on 5/31/26 at 5:23 pm to
quote:

Context:
Retired. No FA. SO is engaged and teammate on all decisions. But is not interested nor involved in minutia.


Neither of us are retired, we're around 10 years out.

quote:

- What if you die tomorrow, how will SO proceed?


We are each other's beneficiary on everything and have both medical powers of attorney and durable powers of attorney as well as wills. We know enough about each other's wealth (inheritances, for example) that either of us could get caught up-to-date rather quickly if something were to happen to the other.

quote:

- What if both of you die tomorrow, how will your kids (or other beneficiaries) proceed?


We have no kids. Property-wise, whatever we've inherited from our respective families gets divided up among the remaining siblings of that family (or their children). Moneywise it all gets divided evenly among the nieces and nephews.

Communication on this subject is important for married couples because it's not "if" one of you dies, but when.
Posted by lynxcat
Member since Jan 2008
25413 posts
Posted on 5/31/26 at 5:50 pm to
Timely thread. I was speaking with my wife recently on this.

She knows our finances quite well but she needs better access to some logins. She would have very little visibility to life insurance contacts, for example.
Posted by LemmyLives
Texas
Member since Mar 2019
18339 posts
Posted on 5/31/26 at 8:07 pm to
quote:

We know enough about each other's wealth (inheritances, for example) that either of us could get caught up-to-date rather quickly if something were to happen to the other.

My best friend's dad just died in his late 70s rather quickly. Thankfully, about a month before everything went South, the son "forced" a meeting to document who their car and home insurance was with, etc. It's less about the accounts that have beneficiaries (IRAs and other things covered by wills), and seems to be more about the non financial spouse not even knowing who had their power contract, etc. His wife was a smart woman, but did she know if the husband switched them from AT&T to T-Mobile? State Farm to USAA? It's that minutiae that seems to get lost, that has an immediate 30-60 day impact on the surviving spouse.

I think I'm going to tape a QR code to the back of my license to make this shite easier when I eventually die.
Posted by iosman987
Member since Feb 2020
69 posts
Posted on 8/19/26 at 3:16 pm to
If I kicked the bucket tomorrow, my spouse would look at our investment accounts like they're written in ancient hieroglyphics. They just hate dealing with the day-to-day admin stuff. What saved us was working things out through Harvest Wealth Partners so everything is streamlined and straightforward. Honestly, getting that peace of mind is worth every penny.
This post was edited on 9/23/26 at 6:08 am
Posted by Jblac15
Member since Mar 2011
709 posts
Posted on 8/19/26 at 8:48 pm to
Shared note in our Apple accounts called “If I die.” Gives her step by step instructions on that to do, who to call, etc.

Without that, she’d end up homeless.
Posted by dblwall
Member since Jul 2017
2236 posts
Posted on 8/19/26 at 9:06 pm to
Years back when we were both working I made her pay the bills. She hated writing checks, but in retirement I've taken over.

All the accounts are on a laminated sheet in our safe, passwords separate. Every 6 moths or so I make her log onto the banking account and pay 1 bill.
Peace of mind. .
Posted by madmaxvol
Infinity + 1 Posts
Member since Oct 2011
22722 posts
Posted on 10/2/26 at 9:41 am to
My wife is extremely engaged in our financial planning with me and is frugal. She will have no problem financially.
Posted by KWL85
Member since Mar 2023
4263 posts
Posted on 10/2/26 at 10:34 am to
quote:

Really interested in the putting stuff in a trust. What are your thoughts on it?


We have a trust, but that doesn't really solve the problem being discussed. You still want to have a comprehensive list of finances somewhere your spouse can find. And it takes more effort to have shared understanding.

A trust has value in that the assets owned by the trust skip probate and separates ownership of assets if you are being sued. But your spouse knowing where everything is and understanding your finances isn't solved by having a trust.
Posted by KWL85
Member since Mar 2023
4263 posts
Posted on 10/2/26 at 11:27 am to
Good thread.

I put a lot of effort into this, but still not sure how much my wife understands. She is smart, but not interested in the investment side. She handles all our day to day expenses type stuff.

Below is how I have attempted to deal with it. I am open to suggestions on improving.

We have a financial statement doc that our banks require for our real estate investing. We get loans frequently to buy real estate and build spec houses. The banks require it annually to determine our borrowing power. This lists all our assets by category. Liquid assets, retirement accounts, taxable accounts, and physical assets. I maintain it regularly. It is an excel doc that she can find. She is an excel guru, and knows how to use it. We keep a printed copy with our will documents. We have 2 beneficiaries and have emailed them the details and they know where our will documents are. We also have a copy of our docs in a bank safety deposit box. The lock box version is not always up to date, but could serve as a reminder that the doc exists.

We keep a password sheet on a thumb drive with a 2nd thumb drive in our bank lock box. A paper copy is kept and is what we use to look up passwords. I have been slow to trust password managers. Updates to passwords are done on the paper copy. The thumb drive is updated occasionally, and removed from computer otherwise.

I created a word doc the explains my approach to finances and investing. It has been updated several times over the years. I created it for her, but shared it with our kids and some of our grandkids. We occasionally invest some money for each kid and grandkid. I require that they review the doc with me when we add to their account. I split the investment between the s&p500 and an individual stock. I engage them in the conversation of how to split the money and which individual stock to buy. My wife hears this conversation repeatedly.

I made my money thru the stock market. Then stared using real estate as a diversification. We started with rentals and moved into new construction, mostly in the form of residential spec houses. I created a doc explaining the processes around this activity and shared it with my wife and kids. Some of our kids are now real estate investors; the ones that try to be financially mature.

My wife and I discuss all of this regularly. It is hard for her to really understand the details in the way I hope for because she doesn't actively engage in any of the activities and doesn't want to be more engaged. This thread caused me to ask her a few questions regarding all of this. She didn't answer the questions as well as I hoped for. So we are still a work in progress. Lol.
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