re: Why do they call us Corndogs?

Ironically, the reason we smell like Corndogs is because we spend the entire day eating some of the best cookout foods on earth, but to the gustatory deprived, landlocked typical Auburn fan, everything must smell like a Corndog.

Corndogs are good. The state fair is this weekend in Shreveport. I hate the fair, but I'm going to get a corndog, extra mustard. And i'm not talking about one of those 6" ones, I talking at least a footlong!

quote:

---

Let me guess...Your next post will ask:
Can I get a link to the cool Boom and Thunderstruck videos?
Where can I get LSU ringtones?

---

Were these your first questions?

Students and fans of various schools have been printing up t-shirts and taunting unsuspecting Auburn fans with chants of "Shitheads!" ever since--and the Auburn folks don't appear to like that very much.

Auburn Fans Smell Like shite.
Auburn fans smell just like shite.
Yes, it is often said, but so, so true.

Auburn fans do smell like shite.

I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something better said at internet distances. Even now, I am afraid.

I am afraid that they'll know I said it. I'll walk past an Auburn fan someday, and he'll see that look in my eye that gives it away. That look that says, "gee, what is that smell? Is it shite?" The next thing you know, I'll have flat tires on my car.
If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell Auburn fans how they smell - you know, like shite.

Auburn fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole shite issue.



I think this may be why a lot of Auburn fans get beaten up. If you attend a game at Auburn, try to avoid telling them that they smell like shite. Say something else instead. Like, "Wow, Auburn sure does have a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game."

It's hard. I know. It's like when you're having sex and you try to think about baseball. That shite smell is just so overwhelming. It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball or whatever else. Your brain wanders into shite topics like: "Gee, I wonder if I took a bite of your finger, you would bleed shite?"; or "Is this a real person or is it a giant piece of shite trying to make me think it is a real person?" or "What did that giant piece of shite just say?" or "Excuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactly like shite smells?" or, of course, after a silencer: "Dude, did you just let the shite out of your pants?"

Heck, after what I've heard about Auburn fans, I think it may be better not to smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them are nice. Sure. Smell the nice ones. That's okay.

You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them. They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But don't be obvious about it. Somehow they know you're trying not to breathe in the shite smell. And that offends them. They'll likely punch you for that if they catch on to what you're doing.

If you do breathe it in long enough, though, it'll permeate your whole body, and then you'll smell like shite just like they do. But don't say, "Dang, now I smell like shite." They take offense to that. And they will throw things. But not shite. Hard stuff. Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to get stitches or something. Just don't say it. If you do start smelling like shite, just shut up about it. Okay?

I think kids are acutely aware of shite smells too. Counsel your kids on how to behave around Auburn fans. If Auburn fans are driving around town, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and sniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up. An odd change in their expression - indicating they smell shite - might get a wrench or pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, that's
dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as you drive - on some other weekend

I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this shite stuff. What puzzles me most is that I've never actually seen any of these Auburn fans with shite in their hand. Okay, maybe there's no mystery there - maybe they already took a dump and as we all know toilet paper is not prevalent on the plains. What else do they have to use?

Maybe there's a shite factory near Auburn and they all work there. Maybe, there's shite lotion that they wear, or a French perfume. Maybe their city council puts shite juice in the water supply - kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird. The big political issue during the city election is whether they should add incentives to washing their hands after using the bathroom... tax breaks, I think. Don't comment on it though. It's not politically correct over there. It's like a sanitary issue or something. It's like a preservation of water issue or something.

I know when you go to Auburn, you're thinking: "Ahhhh. Here I am in Auburn, Alabama. I'll bet the people here smell just like fresh air from the breezes on the plains. But just stop thinking that. That's just a myth. They smell just like shite.

In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the shite odor. And don't try masking the odor with something stronger. They'll curse at you. They'll say something like: "WTF, how dare you smoke a cigar in my home," or "WTF!! Are you too good for the smell of shite?" and they'll cuss out your kids too: "WTF!!! Little Mister fancy pants over here acts like he doesn't want to smell like shite."

Aubbies are not like us. Don't you see that, yet? They are really sensitive about being sniffed and about their shite aroma. They know they smell like shite and it is no laughing matter to them at all. I know, I know. We sniff the bammers and the UGA dawgs and the Ole messes, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but don't press your luck with the Auburn tiger fans. Don't refer to Jordan-Hare Stadium as Butt-Hair Stadium either. I mean that's just wrong. Even if you've been drinking, they'll try to beat you up and curse out your kids.

Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction - even if you're laughing about something else. Like baseball or football, or sex or whatever. If you can't control yourself and you must laugh though, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell their shite body odor from a distance or that you're choking on it or something. They'll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campus building over just one snort.

So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each other. You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams. You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed my words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans this Saturday. Okay? Leave your shite smell jokes at home.

Enough with this shitty talk. Let's play ball...

Maybe they want to eat us?

funny stuff there, sock...

BTW, I think it's funny that after reading the rant up to and after the Auburn game, I was UNABLE to avoid that box of corndogs in the freezer in the grocery store last night!! I haven't bought a corndog in at least 5 years, but as I went by that freezer, they caught my eye! I just felt like it was my place, as a true LSU fan to take those poor, homeless corndogs back where they would be loved and appreciated! I had to fight the urge to scream aloud as I checked out,

"HEY!! I'm an LSU fan, BUYING CORNDOGS!! GET it??"

I'd rather smell like hot wings with blue cheese dressing. Maybe we can work on that?

quote:

---

Who knows what a corndog smells like anyway?

---

I do, but I am really concerned that the poster above you apparently knows what turds *taste* like?!

No bra... lol Actually i know all those things.

I'm glad they kicked the ball.

I know the dorsey hit was intentional.

Go LSU!

I don't know but suddenly I'm hungry!