The Three Stooges against LSU

BOTTOM OF THE NINTH: THE SEC SHOWDOWN

Coming up to bat against LSU:

“Stinky” Sankey, Donde “Volunteer” Plowman, and Tennessee alumni puppet Paul Finebaum.

On the pitcher’s mound for the Tigers—the Lane Train, Lane Kiffin!

First pitch: Stinky Sankey steps into the batter’s box, lets one rip in his britches, and immediately takes a fastball to the ribs. He drops to the dirt, starts crying, and limps down to first base.

Next up, Donde “Volunteer” Plowman. She blows Stinky a kiss at first, turns toward the plate—and gets beaned by a curveball! Her wig goes flying toward the Tennessee dugout. She starts crying and takes first while Stinky waddles down to second.

Now Puppet Finebaum steps to the plate. Instead of watching the pitcher, he finds the nearest camera and starts yapping about pro players and LSU bad.

Lane Train grins and tosses him a slow one right down Broadway.

Puppet closes his eyes, swings wildly—and pops it straight up!

Lane laughs, takes off his cap, catches the ball, and fires it to first for the double play. Plowman dives back headfirst but comes up eating a mouthful of LSU dirt.

Two outs!

Meanwhile, Stinky Sankey tries sneaking over to third. Halfway there, he trips over his own feet. His stomach gives out, diarrhea starts running down his britches, and—naturally—he starts crying again.

The first baseman is laughing so hard that he throws the ball over the third baseman’s head!

Stinky jumps up, rounds third, and heads for home, yelling:

“SEC! SEC! SEC!”

Lane Train looks at his catcher and says, “Don’t worry—I’ve got this.”

The throw comes racing toward home. Stinky dives headfirst and slides directly into Lane Train’s crotch.

Lane bends over, lets one rip squarely in Stinky’s face, and applies the tag!

The crowd goes silent, waiting for the call.

The judge from Baton Rouge steps onto the field, raises his fist, and shouts:

“HEY, STINKY SANKEY—YOU’RE OUT! YOU LOSE AGAIN!”

Alex Box fans explodes!

Lane Kiffin strolls toward the dugout, finds a basketball, throws down a slam dunk, and tells the reporter:

“Now you know why I left Tennessee.”

The Golden Band from Tigerland strikes up “Neck,” the crowd loses its mind, and one chant shakes the entire stadium:

GEAUX TIGERS! ????

Justice has been served—Baton Rouge style!