The Ballad of Kalen DeGweedo

Kalen DeGweedo was a regular at Fred’s in the late 2000s, back when Freds was a cesspool of gweedos and gweedettes long before it was overcum with frat stars and sorostitues.

DeGweedo must’ve slipped the playoff committee a few singles to land Alabama at No. 5 in the initial CFP rankings. What a joke that is. It must be nice to have the committee dismiss your loss to UGA and for the committee to grow amnesia on their not-so-gorgeous loss to Tennessee. LSU has something for them this weekend that won’t easily cum off. Welcome to your new reality. We are going to send them to football heaven. We have Mathew Leavitt, who spent the entire bye week having fresh Louisiana cut rub baby oil on his hammy to get him ready for November.

If history has taught us anything it’s that LSU has a proven track record of the rising to the top during seasons of absolute chaos, when college football becomes less about finding who is the best team and more about figuring out who’s the smartest retard. We are fixing to make the most badass VHS quality gay porno the country has ever seen.

I am riding.