re: What is going on with recruiting?!?!

The OP was not real.

The OP was not a troll. You can't troll and write parody/satire.

The OP was an exaggeration of a recruiting board melt post. It was parody/satire.

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ESPN

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You can't start a post on the Recruiting Board by refencing ESPN. You just can't. ESPN has probably the crappiest recruiting coverage. They're just not credible. If you want a credible source of rankings, ratings, or pretty much anything recruiting related, reference On3 or 247. A Recruiting Board post that starts with a reference to ESPN should make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, should make your spider senses start tingling, and should make you wonder whether the post is trolling, parody, or a desperate cry for help (blink twice if you're held captive in Bristol).

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ESPN, the benchmark touchstone

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There you go. The post is parody. No one considers ESPN to be the benchmark, touchstone, or gold standard of recruiting. Again, their recruiting analysis has too many errors and holes to be credible. You should have known it was parody from this statement.

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ESPN, the benchmark touchstone, says we have the #11 recruiting class.

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Aside from the awful sourcing, this statement is factually inaccurate. ESPN does NOT say we have the #11 recruiting class. I believe ESPN says we have the #7 recruiting class, but honestly, who cares what ESPN thinks about recruiting.

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We only have 12 commits? We are over halfway to a new season, but we don't have even half of the commits we need.

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It's June. The "new season" is irrelevant to recruiting. The initial signing period is December 4-6, 2024. The regular signing day is February 5, 2025, but players can sign NLI as late as the day before enrollment. It is my understanding that on and after the first day of enrollment, different papers are signed.

At this point, the parody/satire should have been completely obvious . . . unless the post was drafted by cbree or NotaStarGazer.

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Alabama has 17 commits, and they have a BRAND NEW coach! Notre Dame has 21 commits. No wonder they were so happy to get rid of Kelly.

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I know that Notre Dame has pretended, and now Alabama will pretend, that they will do fine with their replacement head coaches, but rational folks know better.

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Hell, Rutgers has 27 commits, and they're not even in the SEC. How can Rutgers, in frigid Vermont, have more than double the commits of LSU? They don't have to recruit anymore; they can focus solely on coaching their players. It'd be nice if LSU could do that! Get off your arse, Kelly, so Rutgers can stop kicking it!!!

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How could anyone miss the parody/satire here? Who cares about Rutgers? They don't compete with LSU. They haven't been relevant since Schiano left them (before he came back again). I even added a specific wrong location for Rutgers. Nobody adds in the location of a school when talking about recruiting. Finally, recruiting never stops. Coaches can never focus solely on coaching current players. Recruiting never stops.

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It looks like Kelly is chasing a running QB from Michigan. Haven't we had enough of running QBs? When will Kelly learn that out-of-state commits NEVER stick.

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The fact that our most recent Heisman winner led the nation in rushing yards per carry in 2023 should have given this one away. And of course you pursue the #1 ranked player, whether he is out of state or no. I feel confident that, like many other out-of-state LSU commits, Underwood will stick to his commitment.

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I heard Texas walked in and stole James Simon out of Shreveport. Do we not need RBs? We're losing players from Shreveport? What happened to the wall, Kelly?

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Okay, I made a mistake in this one. I'm sorry. I meant to say that Simon was from Monroe. Instead, I put the correct facts in the post. Mea culpa. I can't always be wrong in this post.

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I also heard that we had the #1 WR, but he left LSU for Texas. A damn drunk is out-recruiting Kelly. Brandon Harris could not beat anyone . . . except, apparently, LSU in recruiting.

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I feel confident that Moore will commit to LSU. He had great things to say about LSU this week, and he might have decommitted just to build up excitement for a recommitment. It's happened before.

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We just got an offensive lineman from Arkansas. If he's an offensive lineman and he's any good, Pittman would have taken him. We're taking Arkansas rejects. How many good players have we EVER gotten from Arkansas anyway?

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On3 rates Curne as the #1 IOL. I don't care what any one person thinks. LSU should always be interested in the #1 IOL. And Pittman pursued Curne with everything Arkansas had. It has to suck to be an Arkansas fan when your famous Oline coach cannot land an Arkansas Oline prospect.

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And ONCE AGAIN, we don't have a single DEFENSIVE LINEMAN!!! At what point does Kelly fire Brad Davis for not recruiting! Football is won in the trenches, but it looks like the trenches is where Kelly wants to drive the Ferrari that Orgeron left him.

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Nobody mentioned the Brad Davis for Bo Davis switch. Come on people. It's parody/satire. And no one should have missed "the Ferrari that Orgeron left" reference. Orgeron barely left a couple of bottles of motor oil for Kelly.

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It's almost July!!! It's almost July!!!

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Last year, some fans were panicking on this board in July. I typically dropped a calendar reference about how much time there was until the initial signing period. July is way too early to panic. And it's not even July yet.

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LSU recruits itself. All Kelly has to do is pull his head out of his arse, spend some of the millions that LSU wasted on him, and sign some Louisiana players who want to play for LSU. If you don't want to be a Tiger, you're Tiger bait.

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I hate this oft-made statement, "LSU recruits itself." No school recruits itself. The 90s is all the proof one needs to demonstrate that LSU does not recruit itself.

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And ONCE AGAIN, we don't have a single DEFENSIVE LINEMAN!!! At what point does Kelly fire Brad Davis for not recruiting!

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What in the frick are you talking about?

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All of my medications are shaped like stars.

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Had a cat once that wouldn't eat anything that wasn't brown and hard, shaped like a star (Purina Cat Chow)