re: How do you get a fat girl in bed?

Me personally,

Get drunk enough to lose all inhibition, such that (pile)driving a tank seem like a good idea.

Go to the club armed with my best pick up lines, catered to that specific audience “Your second chin looks even better than the first!”

On the 3rd or 4th try I manage to land a target and get her back toward the hotel

Scout the path from the public area back to the hotel room to ensure no one sees what’s about to happen

Ask the front desk staff to borrow the freight elevator

Sneak the freight into the room and procede to reek havoc.

Hop on TD, modify the story, and claim an OT9 approached me in line at the local yacht club and demanded to get railed.