It literally changed a month after we got married. With one fight, one situation. I don’t want to be specific, but he told me if I didn’t give him something, it was me being too controlling and trying to keep my thumb on him. It didn’t matter how it affected me. And I tried to meet in the middle and compromise. But after that, he wrote me off. And it’s been a roller coaster ever since.

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Posted by TexasTiger05

Member since Aug 2007

28326 posts

Posted on 12/2/19 at 10:41 am to Jeauxburreauxsmirk

I haven't posted on TD in years but I came across your thread and feel compelled to add to all the advice you've been given. A family member of mine was married to a narcissist. She had kids before the marriage, just like you. He ended up leaving her after 10 years of absolute horror- he left her (thank God) but she was so under his thumb and lost that she didn't realize how bad it was until many years later.
The problem is that her children greatly suffered because he inflicted his weird mind game shite on them too. Two of the three have serious issues, one is a substance addict and the other can't maintain any relationships bc they're so afraid to be like their Mom.
You also have to think of your kids. He's not just messing with you in all this.

eta- please, please, take all the advice that's been given to you. This person isn't changing and you and your kids will be the only ones who suffer.

This post was edited on 12/2/19 at 10:43 am

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Posted by mikelbr

Baton Rouge

Member since Apr 2008

47538 posts

Posted on 12/2/19 at 11:47 am to Jeauxburreauxsmirk

quote:
I don’t want to be specific, but he told me if I didn’t give him something, it was me being too controlling and trying to keep my thumb on him. It didn’t matter how it affected me. And I tried to meet in the middle and compromise.

So he wanted anal and you said "NO!" but he could put his thumb in there while hitting it from the back?

Come onnnnn, (wo)MAN!!! You can give us some more insight as to what he was asking for

If he asked you to go have beers with the guys then yea you suck for not letting him go have beers with the guys.
But if it was a weekend bachelor trip with hookers/blow/spending lots of $$, then it's a different story.

Details are important here.

This post was edited on 12/2/19 at 11:48 am

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Posted by RabidTiger

Member since Nov 2009

3127 posts

Posted on 12/2/19 at 12:32 pm to Jeauxburreauxsmirk

quote:
It literally changed a month after we got married.

This is very common. Once they have you deeply entangled they drop the mask and reveal their true selves. Marriage and having kids together are common inflection points. They'll often push very hard to make these things happen so they can trap you before you figure them out.

quote:
And I tried to meet in the middle and compromise.

It doesn't matter what you do. Nothing will ever be enough. The conflict is the goal for them so they will always find a way to create it. Meanwhile you will run yourself ragged trying to appease them, but no matter what you do it will always be wrong.

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