re: My son “released” a song from the basement-looking for feedback

‘‘Twas fine enough. I agree with the idea of shaving the last 40 seconds off and adding some twist.

If going to continue I’d almost suggest switching the lyrical structure and transition the content to spinning the story forward. The past being steady, predictable and comforting and future forcing to break out of the shell. Then drop into a chorus and end.

The drum tracks were clearly not his goal but a product of what’s easily available I assume. Which I 100% get.

And the passing parchment line seemed pretty forced for such a steady simple verse. Don’t care what anyone says, middle schoolers aren’t passing parchment. I know, ironic saying simplify there when everything else is pushing to add

Otherwise, easy enough to see why someone would hum along and would do great at a HS talent show