As many of you know, I joined a college gym due to the hot poon there. From my six years of higher education (four years of undergrad and two years getting my masters), I came to realize there is nothing quite like porking college broads.

On late Saturday afternoon, I strolled into the fitness complex wearing a fur coat with "DOCTOR SWOLE" embroidered on the back (My gym buddies nicknamed me Doctor Swole back in '03) over my shorts and wife beater, toothpick in my mouth. Taking off my aviators, I look over to the squat rack, and I don't like what I see. A frat boy. I already know he's not squatting.

"Curls" I said to myself, muscles flaring as I walk over to the rack. Frat boy is in mid set, groaning with each curl, 10 lb plates on each side. 65 lbs?!?!? You're curling 65 lbs in the squat rack? Joe Gold would be turning in his grave.

While frat boy is getting his 4th or 5th rep done, I take off the 10 lb plate, and walk over to the other side and do the same.

Frat boy: ((pissed off)) Hey man, what the f**k was that?
Me: This is the squat rack, *NSYNC. You wanna curl, get your chicken chest on one of those swiss balls and pick up the plastic dumbbells, Sally.
Frat boy: Who the f**k do you think you are? Are you even a student here?
Me: ((taking off my fur coat and resting it on the leg press)) Alright, Timberlake. You had your chance. I tried to be a nice guy and I'm going to tell you one more time. No curling in the squat rack. Now get out of here before we have a problem.
Frat boy: Man, f**k this.

((Frat boy leaves the area. I load up the plates with 5 45 lb plates each side and rep it for 15. (I decided to take it easy, didnt get enough sleep last night.) Some cardio bunnies come over and start to make small talk.))

Cardio bunny 1: We thought that was really brave how you stood up to that guy. He thinks he owns this gym and he always makes rude comments to us!
Me: ((still wearing my aviators - I rarely take them off)) Just doing my job ladies. I'd love to chat, but as you can see, my quads need to be punished.
Cardio bunny 2: ((biting her lower lip)) Well, if you feel like it when you are done come over to Harrison Hall. Room 418.
Me: ((agitated)) Look hunny, I'm a busy man. I'll see what I can do. Get away from me.

I finish up my workout, put my fur coat back on and head over to Harrison Hall, Room 418.

CB2: Glad you could come.
Me: ((stripping down)) Yeah well, I need to shower up.
CB2: ((Staring at my body, mouth open)) Can I come with you? Please? Meet us in the third shower from the left in 5 minutes.
Me: ((grinning)) Us? If you say so ((CH2 runs away from her computer and into the hallway. I check her away message))

"OmG HoTTeST GuY eVeR on HaRRiSoN 4Th FLooR BeST aBs eVa aNd HuGe BiCePTs!!!!!1111"

I head down to the showers, wearing only a towel and my aviators. Girls I passed in the halls stared, but I just bicep flared by them. Opening the shower curtain, I found the three cardio bunnies already soaping themselves down.

CB3: You're late.
Me: Well Doctor Swole is here now girls.
The three cardio bunnies proceed to soap me down, and kiss me all over. When all said and done, I blew my load all over one of their tits. I step out of the shower and walk back to room 418. I glanced at the clock. 6:45?!?! I had to meet a client at 8 for dinner, and would have to speed to my condo, get dressed, and drive straight to the restaurant to make it in time. I threw on my fur coat and grabbed my gym clothes in hand (no time to get dressed) and start jogging down to my car. About 20 Harrison Hall hotties followed.

Hottie4: Doctor Swole, where are you going?
Me: ((running to my BMW in only my fur coat)) Gotta go baby, the doctor is a busy man.

The Harrison crowd, about two dozen strong, continued to chase me to my car, screaming and crying. I felt like one of the Beatles. I climb into my BMW and peel away.

Hottie5: ((crying)) DOCTOR SWOLE DONT GO!!!

I decide to give the girls a thrill, and throw my gym clothes out my sunroof. They scream and come running to the pile. Two girls were having a tug of war with my beater, while I saw another on her knees, sniffing my sweaty boxer briefs.

I lit up a cigar. "Doctor Swole, you've done it again," I thought to myself, a small smile crossing my face as my car sped east on I-276