re: I’ve never seen any Star Wars films. Do I watch in order?

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I like your whole post, but am confused by the placement of Return of the Jedi here. What's the reason?

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You don’t want to do the prequels first because it will spoil the ending of Empire Strikes Back. However, the tension in Return of the Jedi is far more palpable if you know the stories of the three big players (The Emperor, Luke, and Vader) as they grapple in those epic throne room scenes. It helps you to understand about the force and how it works.