re: the most embarrassed you’ve ever been

8th grade sitting next to my buddy in class. I tell him I have to fart and he says do it. I said I didn't want to because it might be loud. He said he'll take the heat if it is.

I let it go and it's a show stopper. Before I could even look over to watch him assume his role, he jumps up and yells "oh my God, GRTiger, that is raunchy" while fanning his nose. Everyone obviously cracks up. I was red hot for the rest of the day.

The other one was when I was 14 on a family trip in Myrtle Beach. Met this 16-17 year old girl and we snuck out to the beach late at night. I was face deep in tits and knuckle deep in v, sure it was about to happen. Here comes my mom and two sisters, screaming at me all the way down. The girl runs off while I'm sitting there at full mast, being read the riot act.