re: How does one be a non-neurotic soccer dad?

The parent's most important job is to back off. Let the coach be the coach.

I've read your posts, and to be honest with you, I'm in a similar situation. My son is the biggest and fastest kid on his team, and has developed really good skills. He plays all positions on the field except keeper, he's a great athlete, and the coach relies on him to carry his team and direct the other players during the game. Sometimes they win, sometimes they get beat, and he usually has to deal with a few hot-dogs on the team who weaken the team because they can't grasp the concept of the team playing the full pitch. That becomes a teaching moment for the parent - after the game is over. It's his sport, not mine, so l let him do his thing, and try to reinforce his understanding of sportsmanship and his role on the field as defined by the coach.

He and the other players don't "listen" to parents on the sidelines, but they do hear their comments. Parents on the sidelines should never insert themselves into the game, especially if the team has a strong coach.

I've made a concerted effort to only tell him to stretch before the game to avoid injury, play aggressive, be a coach on the field (at his coach's direction) and have fun. He's playing against older kids, so I make it clear that he has to be the the most aggressive player on the field, but to do it cleanly. I let him play his game - but it's important to not be overbearing... He's a kid, and I treat him like a parent should treat their child. I'm hard on him at times, and other times l choose to back off. I do point out his good plays, and I try to point out any mistakes he makes in a positive light. And in the past year, I've had to grow as a parent and let him make his own decisions regarding traveling for regional developmental teams.

He's an absolute stud in his age and grade, and as dominant as he is in sports at 13 years old, I expect him to play multiple sports in college. Intramural soccer, intramural basketball, intramural softball, you name it, he'll play it, and he'll have a blast. I have zero expectations for him to play any sport beyond that, because he's a young teenager and student trying to learn how to navigate his teen years. Sports are important for our family, but we make it clear that family, church, friends and education come before sports. Not always easy, but those things will still be there when youth sports end.

Trust me in this - youth sports is a mess, I've been down that road with both my kids. My job as a parent, in regards to sports, is to place him with a good coach, if possible, support him, teach him when the opportunity presents itself, and ensure he can respect my actions, now and years down the road when he looks back on his experience as a teenager growing into a man and has kids of his own. Team sports are great for kids to learn how to deal with their peers, regardless of their talent level, and to translate that experience to their everyday life.

That should be the end game of any parent.