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re: Is Dating in 2017 & Beyond A Dying Mentality?
Posted on 10/9/17 at 4:29 pm to Upperdecker
Posted on 10/9/17 at 4:29 pm to Upperdecker
quote:
I'm a millennial and I believe in that and want that. Of course not everyone gets it, but usually people that deserve it will get it
I believe in that too, prob is I have countless friends married and divorced by 30. So it seems people aren't willing to put in the work anymore. My parents just made 37 years and I can tell you it's not all rainbows but they have stayed committed to each other. You just don't see that much anymore.
Posted on 10/9/17 at 4:47 pm to dgnx6
quote:
I believe in that too, prob is I have countless friends married and divorced by 30. So it seems people aren't willing to put in the work anymore.
I really and truly believe this is the case. People get all of these expectations of what marriage is supposed to "feel" like. They see the examples of their parents and think either "I don't want to be anything like them" or "I want to have exactly what they have". When anything's negative, they freak out about one side or the other turning into their parents. Or the inverse, they're not enough like their parents. It's extremely unreasonable to expect that one's marriage in the first 2 years will resemble what they remember of their parents' marriage in its 20th year, but that's cognitive dissidence for you.
People are impatient, and once you plan for failure, you basically resign yourself to it. In our culture, divorce is considered the norm, not the exception. It's always available if one is willing to go through the steps. Thus, when people get impatient, when things aren't going so well, they see an option to escape and eventually take it rather than sticking out, accepting that this should be permanent, and figuring out how to make it better.
Blaming others is easy. Blaming one's self is less easy, but actually changing one's self, actually accepting others for who they are and learning to love them and yourself despite those flaws, and learning how to live with another human being and not resent them for their annoying quirks is really really hard. As a society, we just seem to lack that grit, lack that driving motivation to stick it out. We have the option to run away, and so many of us do.
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