re: SERIOUSLY: What's the best way to keep fans in the stadium?

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Don't even say anything about traffic. What stadium have you gone to and left after the game that did not have traffic?

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If you're going to preemptively dismiss valid concerns I'm not sure what answers you're looking for.

I've been to games in College Station - I parked in a garage for free and was out of traffic 30 min after it was over. I've been to games in Oxford and was on my way to Memphis after sitting in traffic for ~30 minutes. The same goes for Athens, Austin, and many other cities that know how to deal with traffic. Baton Rouge doesn't. Many families attending LSU games live in places like Prarieville, Zachery, Gonzales, New Orleans and Lafayette. They have two options: leave in the 3rd quarter and get home by 11, or leave after the game and get home at 2 a.m. The Stay Bridge Suites at Southgate only has so many rooms.