re: weekly m/tv board WOULD YOU RATHER...

HOLY shite I MISSED OUT ON THE FUN!!! I go to Nashville for the weekend and this happens. shite!!! Ok. Don't panic. Don't panic. Still time to catch up. Here goes:

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Be a Pirate or a Samurai?

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Pirate. Give me a boat in the Caribbean any day over a little shite-shack in the Japanese mountains. Also being a samurai puts you at risk of having to hang out with Tom Cruise and that's never cool.

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Face-off a hungry alligator or panda?

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While facing off with a gator didn't turn out too well for my brother of the sea, Captain Hook, I will have to choose to fight....the.....WAIT!!!

Let me re-read the question:

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Face-off a hungry alligator or panda?

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DOES THIS MEAN I GET TO TAKE HIS FACE-OFF LIKE IN FACE-OFF?!?!?! Holy hell. Then I will be a panda-faced pirate. BOOM!!!

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Have a hot wife with extremely boring sex or an ugly wife with unbelievable sex?

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Ugly wife, awesome sex. Now that I am an adorable panda-faced pirate I will have no trouble scoring supermodel poon as I sail from port to port and spread my seed. I will bank on having a woman with a mouth like a Hoover at home as good backup. Nothing like getting the skin sucked off your dick after parading around the Carribean, pillaging cities and ports and getting into general hijinks all the while my fluffy panda fur is blowing in the cool ocean breeze.

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Only be able to watch The Godfather pt. 1 or every Tyler Perry movie ever releasd?

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My first order of business as a panda faced pirate would be to kill Tyler Perry.