Ellis and Hugh go to game

I took my two five year old twins, Ellis and Hugh, to the LSU/Tulane game. I knew better. They are both huge LSU fans but could not be more different. Ellis is happy and positive to a fault. Hugh is a five year old curmudgeon; a full glass for him is still mostly empty. They fight constantly.

It started with an argument over their halloween costumes for the game. Ellis wanted to go as Les Miles. Hugh decides if Ellis is going as Miles, he is going as Nick Saban. "Hugh" I ask, knowing the answer to the question, "Why in the world would you want to go the the LSU/Tulane game as Nick Saban?" "To piss Ellis off" he answered. Hugh is an honest boy, I will give him that.

We settled on Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader outfits. You can guess which one was Darth. Then came the fight about where will we eat before the game. It never ends with these two. Once they argued for an hour over what type of pizza they would split. They finally compromised on pepperoni and pineapple, yuck. When the waitress asked them if they wanted thin and crispy or thick and chewy, a fist fight erupted. Ellis might be layed back, but he likes his pizzas thin and crispy and he has his breaking point.

Ellis wanted to go to Walk-Ons. Hugh loves Hooters. I had the tiebreak on this one so we headed out to Hooters. They have better "wings" at Hooters I explained to their mother. "Yeah right" she replied, but she was so happy not to have to take our two warring twins trick or treating I could have taken them to the Gold Club and gotten away with it. Football Saturdays at our house with Ellis and Hugh going after each other are rough.

We got to Hooters and settled in to watch the end of the Ole Miss/Auburn game. That was a small blessing. They both hate Ole Miss and Auburn was winning so that had them both happy. I hardly noticed the half hour fight over what type of wings we would get. Its even more annoying because Hugh is wearing his Darth Vader outfit and whenever he talks its in this creepy, raspy James Earl Jones voice. "Ellis, I am your fathar" he keeps rasping. Ellis threatens to cut his hand off if he wont stop.

Thank goodness for our waitress. They both liked her and she thought they were so funny in their costumes. She even chuckled when little Darth Vader asked if he could make motorboat noises in her boobs. "He is so cute" she laughed, "but that little voice he has working is kind of creepy". Tell me about it. My wife and I love Hugh and sleep a little better now that he is out of his trenchcoat phase, but he can still be a little scary. He will say whats on his mind. It did look like it would have been fun to make motorboat noises in her boobs. It must be fun to be five years old and get away with saying that stuff.

We took off from Hooters for the game and the glow from the Ole Miss loss did not last long. "Tulane will prolly hang a hundred on us" Hugh announced in his Vader voice. Ellis took the bait. "We will beat them by five touchdowns, wait and see". With the hook firmly planted in his brothers mouth Hugh responds "Bama would be up on Tulane by five scores in the first quarter". Next thing I know they are out of their seatbelts going after each other with glow in the dark light sabres.

I was going to intervene, but the force looked to be with Ellis who was kicking his brothers butt. Hugh started this one and I had no problem with his little evil empire getting whacked around some. Physically Ellis can actually handle Hugh. He is like fifteen seconds older and I think that gives him a psychological advantage. Its when the war turn into words that Hugh kicks in. Hugh has a sharp tongue we have all fallen victim to.

"We are still in the hunt for the national championship" Ellis hollers, brandishing his sabre. "Are you always this stupid Ellis?", Hugh replies, "Or are you making a special effort today?" "I dont know what makes you so dumb, but it really works".

Now I had to stifle a laugh at that one. Hugh had Ellis on his heels now. Ellis needed to stay after him with his sabre, but I knew he would try to match wits. "Your momma is so ugly" Ellis declared, "that when she went to the beauty parlor it took six hours to get a quote". Ellis was pleased with himself and he looked to me for approval. Hugh shot back "My momma is your momma, you moron. The wheel might still be turning for you but your hamster is dead."

"Enough" I holler, figuring it was time to step in. "Can't we just have fun at the game? Dont you two have anything in common?" After a moment of silence Hugh in his best Vader voice rasped, "Well, I think Tulane sucks". It was about the best olive branch you are going to get from Hugh. "Ellis?" I asked looking at him to see if he would accept the truce. "I am Luke" he responded and I almost could hear the Star Wars music in the background as Ellis gazed out of the window like Luke pondering the force on the planet Tatooine. Then Ellis dropped his sabre, looked his brother in the eye, and said "I think Tulane sucks too."

I only wish their mother could have been there to see that moment between her twins. They both love their tigers. They both hate Tulane. I did not think they were even old enough to hate Tulane, but they do. The rest of the night was awesome, with each Tiger touchdown Luke and Darth would high five their light sabres. They ate hot dogs and cotton candy. They sang Lousisiana saturday Night with the students. They even shared a laugh at a couple of ancient golden girls.

The little fellers were exhausted when we got back to the car. I kissed them both and strapped them in. I love them at that age. They could hardly keep their eyes open as we drove away. "It was a great game" Ellis said, "thanks for taking us pop". Then his brother Hugh chimed in " Yeah pops, it was great". Peace in the family. Enjoy it while I can, I thought to myself as the boys drifted off to sleep. "Bama will prolly hang a hundred on us next week" Hugh added, and then fell fast asleep.