re: Wife is mad because I won't go to in laws twice in three weeks

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IF the in laws are expecting or guilting your wife into the visits, that's a huge problem.

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I agree that if she feels she has no choice but to go or face the wrath of her parents then that is a huge issue. OP never mentioned that so I assume thats not the case. It honestly sounds like he has a decent relationship with her family.

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IF your wife can't cut the cord, that is another issue but manageable.

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I don't think his wife wanting to be a part of her family on her own is an issue.

In the grand scheme of things, these trips don't sound like they are gonna lead to a divorce. The whole decision is do you want to deal with an unhappy wife for a bit or not? If this fight is worth it to you, then don't go and deal with whatever consequences she throws at you. Maybe it is worth it because you don't want to set the precedent that she can plan a trip any time and expect you to go.

But any idea that she's gonna happily accept you not going is bonkers.