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José Altuve Tragically Stepped On During Rangers' Post-Game Celebration
Posted on 10/24/23 at 10:53 am
Posted on 10/24/23 at 10:53 am
![](https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/653729f47a01f653729f47a020.jpg)
quote:
HOUSTON, TX — In a horrific yet tiny accident, Houston Astros second baseman José Altuve was accidentally stepped on as the Texas Rangers stormed the mound to celebrate making it to the World Series.
"Poor little guy," said Yordan Alvarez, cradling Altuve's miniature frame in his palm. "He's like a 'Flat Stanley', but smaller and flatter."
According to witnesses, Rangers shortstop Corey Seager felt a slight crunch under his cleat when running out to celebrate his team's game seven victory. "I thought I'd stepped on a little cricket. I feel terrible," said Mr. Seager during his postgame interview. "I'm jumping around shouting, then all of a sudden I catch a glimpse of the bottom of my shoe - and there's José. He was still smiling his cute little smile. Sad!"
The Houston Astros mourned the tragic loss of their beloved star, with several players blaming themselves. "I spent so many hours carrying him around in my hat," said Kyle Tucker. "José was such a sweet little guy. We'd go out to dinner and I'd order steak, then he would just spend the whole hour nibbling on a little piece of a french fry. José stayed with my family for Thanksgiving one year, and we put a little cotton ball in a matchbox for his bed. He was so cozy. Oh, José!"
At publishing time, Minnesota Twins shortstop Carlos Correa had returned to Houston to secure the remains of his old friend in a trash can lid.
Babylon Bee
Posted on 10/24/23 at 10:56 am to Frank Black
As a lifelong Astros fan, it’s so awesome to know that we live in every baseball fans head, on free rent too. Best organization in the MLB right now. When you’re at the top, everyone hates you and wishes they could be you. I take all this trash talk as a compliment. Can’t wait to get that 3rd ring next season.
Posted on 10/24/23 at 11:03 am to Frank Black
![](https://images.tigerdroppings.com/Images/Icons/Iconrotflmao.gif)
![](https://images.tigerdroppings.com/Images/Icons/Iconrotflmao.gif)
![](https://images.tigerdroppings.com/Images/Icons/Iconrotflmao.gif)
Astros fan but that is hilarious
Posted on 10/24/23 at 11:15 am to Frank Black
I read somewhere that the Astros initially sent him home from a try out because he was so short they thought he was lying about his age
![](https://images.tigerdroppings.com/Images/Icons/IconLOL.gif)
Posted on 10/24/23 at 1:34 pm to Frank Black
Rangers about to tie the Astros in accolades.
Posted on 10/24/23 at 4:04 pm to Frank Black
Do you think MLB has to give special accommodation to Altuve on account of the ADA?
Posted on 10/24/23 at 5:12 pm to Frank Black
Rangers fans can't celebrate their first pennant since Obama's first term without making it all about Altuve. Truly the GOAT ![](https://images.tigerdroppings.com/Images/Icons/Icondude.gif)
![](https://images.tigerdroppings.com/Images/Icons/Icondude.gif)
Posted on 10/24/23 at 9:10 pm to Frank Black
quote:
The Houston Astros mourned the tragic loss of their beloved star, with several players blaming themselves. "I spent so many hours carrying him around in my hat," said Kyle Tucker.
Laughed out loud at this line.
Posted on 10/25/23 at 10:48 am to Frank Black
Another swing and a miss for the great value Onion
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