The best advice I can give you is to build your support system.

When I got divorced, it was like my entire support system was ripped out from under me, because it effectively was. I had become closer to her parents than I ever really had been to mine. My wife was my +1 to almost everything. Football games, concerts, festivals, dinner, etc. We did everything together, and our friend groups were enmeshed from being together for 7 years.

What helped me more than anything was accepting the fact that I missed the roles she played in my life, but that it was okay. Those roles are important, I cannot fill all of those myself, and I do need other people in my life need to fill those roles, but it doesn’t need to be just one person.

I realized that I had been a fairly closed off person outside of my wife. While I had many old friendships, they were mostly based on a shared activity and rarely were more than superficial. I had no emotional confidants. I had to learn to trust a few friends with some of that emotional baggage. I found a friend to be my go-to for sports. Another friend was my go-to for concerts. Another one really liked getting dinner. Slowly, I built a network of friends who, together, fill a lot of the roles in my life that my ex-wife used to fill.

By spreading around my emotional needs among a larger network, it helps keep me social, and it has helped me go from missing my wife, to missing having someone who was my whole world to care about, to just missing having a companion sometimes for a handful of activities.

It’s not an easy solution, nor is it a fast one, but it’s a real solution that works and is sustainable.

If you were around Baton Rouge, I’d be happy to grab a drink with you and swap sad boi stories. My deepest sympathies go out to you in this struggle. It’s going to suck, and it’s going to suck for a long while. The best thing you can do is just keep making a little progress everyday. As long as you’re moving forward, even if it’s only by inches, you’ll eventually get where you need to be.

I also encourage you to make a list of goals and keep that list handy to look at daily. These can be everything from long term goals like saving for retirement, to spiritual goals like feeling fulfilled, to chores you need to get done around the house. Have a mix of goals that are short, medium; and long term. Goals that are chores, mindset changes, career milestones, wellness, and self-care. Then, start checking items ofd as you accomplish them. Keeping that list visible will constantly refresh your memory and keep you working towards your goals.

This post was edited on 10/11/23 at 12:32 pm